I have this terrible habit of accidentally stumbling into disagreements with unreasonable people and then apologizing and taking all the blame myself, as if I'm irrational, to end the conflict instead of just walking away or agreeing to disagree.
I always get angry with myself after too.
THIS WILL BE MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION
You'n'me, together!
Don't get me wrong, sometimes I'm absolutely irrational and will continue to apologize then. But the other times.
I do this too. I get REALLY WORKED UP then just go 'okay sorry'
then sit & fume over all the things I wanted to say
/sob. yeah I def grew up learning not to express myself/fight back.
I've gotten better about it in general, but I still shut down when I'm too exhausted to want to argue.
I highly recommend the book "The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck." It's not a magical cure, but it has solid mantras and brilliant new perspectives on things