If you're going to be stuck at work way longer than you should, you should at least get something from it, right?

So one of our servers had a table of two, larger woman and a dude in sunglasses

they put a fifty on the check, say keep the change, and bustle out of the restaurant

server looks at the check, and holy shit, the fifty's a fake

like

he tries to go outside, can't find the couple

(we end up looking on the cameras, the couple like powerwalked out behind our building and into the neighborhood behind the restaurant)

which is crazy enough, right?

well

the busser clears the table, find a ring

I never saw it personally, but I was told it was like, Walmart quality. Not an expensive-looking ring at all

but lo and behold, like twelve minutes later the woman calls back asking for her ring

that fucking fifty

one of our managers plays it cool, is like yeah, sure, we have it, no problem!

AND THESE FOOLS

FUCKING. COME BACK.

the dude walks in wearing an eyepatch now (disguise???)

and the woman is out around back behind the restaurant and, oddly, with two of their dogs

well the dude walks in same time as ~dun dun dun~ the cops! who were called!

literally they walk in together!

and the woman I guess sees one of the cops in the parking lot, ties the dogs to a tree and tries to leave, but the popo are like "uh uh please come inside and talk to us"

(as a weird side note, one of the dogs fucking chews through his leash and runs off, I have literally no idea if they got him back)

so they pay for their meal, they let the dude go, but apparently

the lady has done this shit before because she has a warrant out

so she goes to fucking jail

and I'd like to be clear here: they got away. We didn't know their names. It was a dumb fucking crime, but they got away with it.

but she just had to come back for her ring. that night. didn't even think to send a friend. I mean.

I'm still amazed.

hackfraud I feel like this level of criminal stupidity is something you can relate to.

criminals are stupid. I had someone do that when I worked at Walmart - they came back because one of the items they stole didn't work but a cashier who knew them had been there earlier and was still on when they came back with it

oh my god

we have a thing where we try not to hurt ppl so we will basically semi-politely mug them and take all their bags as theyre trying to escape and it's not totally uncommon for them to have someone call and demand it back

... look at the eyebrow on Grant

sometimes we'll take a purse and the owner will run like fuck and its like

ur drivers license is in here boss

lol

stupid criminals stories are the best

lol just saw its motion picture only i was like why does grant look like such a g

it's truly astounding

amazing

did the police let you keep it or take it as evidence

and you know what, it's that impulse control thing. acting in the moment and not thinking long-term consequences.

I think they took it

this is the best thing i have ever read

also bless your pd for showing up quickly enough to do anything

on a similar stupid criminal note, we had a guy steal a tv from walmart. he got away with it
until he went back to the same walmart like 2 days later and tried to steal another tv

how many tvs you need son

also that the dog was like get me the fuck outta here

did you get to say anything cool to point her out to the cops, like she's a dead ringer

the poor dogs. One of the other servers was talking seriously about just putting one in her car

man, no. missed zinger opportunity

poor pupper

but god yeah thieves are... not smart.......

Oh my goooood

how dumb do you have to be

i usually try to id the person passing the bills before i file so i know pd will bother, and when they pass bills theyre buying stuff to get cash receipts that then can then use to get legit cash refunds

so when they make the cash refund i have the ringer ask for a drivers license and so far every time it is their real license

WOW

theyre so happy theyre getting the cash they dont hesitate just like ME A CRIMINAL MASTERMIND

GETTIN PAID