Hi5 pepper hatred

Peppers are disgusting! The hot ones are tolerable because of the spice they add but they better be ground up so I don't have to deal with nasty pepperflesh!

Somewhere there's a parallel universe without bell peppers

I want to live in that universe

I want to be the one to have created that universe via time travel.

Go back in time, destroy the first pepper plants.

Then I'd never have to be surprised by some asshole putting diced green peppers under the cheese when I specifically order no damn peppers on my pizza.

Oh god

How to ruin a perfectly good pizza

I was enraged.

I thought of you judging me with every line I made.

Good!

At least I can still scoff at the bizarre hatred of bananas.

They make your mouth feel like you just ate chalk! They're like eating playdough! They smell like antibiotics!

The peels are not as hilarious as cartoons want you to believe!

OK. I'll give you that last one.

Bananas are only good in a specified time interval, when they are ever so slightly green. Any other kind of banana is gross