I mistook something my REAL best friend said for something Ricky said

My REAL best friend was someone who in 2010 I helped out in a very dire situation. He was at one point actually homeless, everyone he thought he could count on deserted him, and I did everything I could to help him

UNLIKE SOMEONE ELSE coughRicky'scoughcoughgirlfriendcoughcough he was actually my FRIEND and we did stuff together

The thing is, I never miss this friend because we can go years without seeing each other and the instant we do, it's like he never left

I don't have to miss him. I don't have to worry. He's not going away even if he leaves physically, he'll always be here for me.

Yesterday, THAT friend sent me a Sarahah message and I thought Ricky sent it.

I realized what I had try to do. I tried to make another friend like the one I described. I wanted someone near me to be like my friend.

I... have to accept that will never happen

I can accept it now. Now that Ricky is gone and has left me before. Now that Ricky wants nothing to do with me in the way my friend did. The way that I just feel so gross and creepy feeling when I even think about how obsessed I've become over Ricky because of what's happened since this year has started, I'm ready to accept that.

I'm ready to accept the kind of friendship that Ricky wants

It'll be difficult, but I'm going to try to start to care about him less

I have to. It sounds cruel, but I can't care about his deeper emotional needs if we are going to have a surface level friendship

I can't worry about what happened since we last talked so much if all he wants to do is share memes