"[Ricky] told me he never would inject himself but that was a lie too"

Sarah told me that yesterday on the way home from the con and I've been absolutely disgusted ever since.

Seriously, fuck this guy so hard right now. I can't believe I felt bad for him. I can't believe I got art commissioned for him because I felt sorry for him.

I knew he was spending money on drugs. One time my ass. $20 cocaine my... I don't even know. I'm not fucking stupid. I did drug testing for a living.

WE HAD TO KNOW WHAT WE WERE TESTING. WE KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS SHIT THAN THE PEOPLE USING IT.

I'm just so.... I really hope he OD's and dies

No I don't. That's too good for him.

I hope he OD's, NEARLY dies, goes into financial ruin and then realizes what a total fuck up he is and I don't even know what after that. I don't even care. I actually did want the best for him

THEN HE LIED TO ME

It's not even the drugs, it's the lies

The drugs too, but the lying makes me even more upset. That and putting Sarah in so much danger on a daily basis with all of his lies.

I can't believe he's been injecting shit too. That's just the lowest of the low right there.

The worst part, for me at least, is I FELL IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER DRUGGIE LOSER. WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS?

I'm glad I have Mike. I'm glad Mike is clean. I'm glad that Mike is understanding of my feelings and has been so sweet about all of this.

I'm glad he never gave up on me. I'm glad I didn't leave him for a druggie loser like Ricky who lied to my face and tried to ruin the lives of everyone he encounters

I'm so angry

I legit hate him for this

I can't stand druggie losers that lie to my face

Using drugs, whatever. Allowing them to destroy your life and lie to your family and the people you're supposed to love, fuck you.

I don't like the fact they are illegal and I don't like how much most of them mess with the body. Weed is one thing, but Heroin and Cocaine will wreck your shit.

Cocaine alters the brain forever. It leaves users looking for the euphoria from the first time every time, but they can NEVER get it because of the damage done.

Heroin just... just no.

My mom told me to NEVER do meth. I told her that was one she did NOT HAVE to worry since Adderall was so terrible for me.

Anyway, I'm just so angry that I keep falling for these drug users lies and it's making me so angry. It makes me never want to talk to anyone again.

Like I got home today and stayed in bed. Even after my nap, I stayed in bed

I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to do anything else except just hole up.

There's something else I fear, but I don't want to talk about it right now. I want to wait and see what happens. It may be nothing but paranoia and I could be overreacting.

I hate this is happening with Hope here. I feel like I'm setting a bad example.