I'm not sure why I bother.

If i bother i get screamed at

if I don't I get screamed at.

I get so happy when I remember I need to do something.

but it always turns out I remember the wrong thing or the timing is bad or I just suck at whatever I need to do.

I sorta wish I hadn't done so well in therapy.. Cause I just got well enough again to care again and now I don't have that support anymore and things....are exactly the same as before only it;s 6 years later...which makes it all worse.

Every time I lift up my head and take notice and try i get slapped down. Theres a reason I stopped.

It doesn't help that I'm fairly sure i have brain damage on top of my natural ditzy nature.

Remembering things day to day is hard, hell sometimes I forget five minutes later.

And time doesn't really have a meaning anyone everything sorta blends together.

I'm on auto pilot most of the time.

I had my therapy to help ground me a little before.

I've resorted to doing bible studies on Mondays to try to gain that again. I don't even believe in god. But Talking to nice older ladies for an hour about stories might help socialize me again...and I have a pin point of bright in grey even if it's mostly Lie.

I could start GED again.... but I've graduated three times already and it never gets me to the Test no matter how much work I put in.

What am i supposed to do if doing everything I can do gets me exactly the same thing as doing nothing at all?

My shrink said i had situational depression. That I wouldn't fully get better until my situation changed.

And i just.. laughed.