1: Even when he's narrating a nice happy family finding each other story, Robert Stack makes it sound like a spooky-ass murder mystery where it turns out ghosts did it and aliens helped

2: Gotdamn people love their conspiracies. Kennedy assassination? Conspiracy out the wazoo. Both Kennedy assassinations. (I did not know about the RFK conspiracy theories.) Apparently even the Lincoln assassination had a conspiracy behind it!

3: Jesus fuck orphans and 'orphans' (kids who's illiterate parents got tricked into signing over their parental rights, or in some cases outright snatched off the street) really got fucked over in the past. Put on a train to god only knew where to be paraded around in front of potential adoptive parents? Split up from all the siblings? Jesus.

4: Don't ever join the military because spooky shit will most likely happen and then your family will be like "what happened?" and the military won't say shit. Meanwhile, there you are, spookified to hell, fuck that shit.

5: People in the 80's were really, really concerned about Satanic cults.

2. a: OK, one thing people love more than their conspiracy theories is goddamn treasure. Seriously you assholes, supposedly that treasure has been there since the 1800's, you numb fuck, you think no other asshole has discovered it since then? No? You think you're gonna be the lucky fucker that discovers something that's been hidden 200 years? Fuck you.

What if you combine 2 and 3 and there's a conspiracy to hide the lost treasure of orphan tears?

I...

How would you... well, I guess if you sealed up the jars properly...

But... what value could they possibly have? It's not like you could verify that these were specifically orphan tears!

6: also what the fuck did they not have censors in the 80's/early 90's? Jesus, they aired a shot of a letter allegedly sent from a kidnapper to the kidnapee's parents that had him talking about a sexual act he was performing on the kid!

I paused to see what the letter said. I seriously wish I hadn't.

What the hell, Unsolved Mysteries, what the hell.

That's weird, because I would have expected them to be more censoring happy back then.

Right?

But I do remember Bart used to say bitching and hell all the tim on the Simpsons so... maybe?

But that was on Fox. They were scrappy and sticking it to the man!

Ah, back before they turned into The Man.

oh my fucking christ what the fuck is that thing

Maybe the people in charge of networks thought it didn't matter if the letter just went by fast enough and had no understanding of the pause button.

what the almighty fuck, plurk

And it's always the headless bone thing!

Maybe. I mean I can understand that in the late 80's/early 90's because shit , they didn't know that in 20 years I'd be watching this on my flat screen tv via an online bookstore's subscription service while talking to someone in another country via a computer that isn't made by the Macintosh people.

also who the fuck would want to make a telephone call to headless bonedog? How is headlessbonedog expressing sentiment? Why is this in the corner of my plurk page!

I thought it implied headless bonedog had a wife or girlfriend which just adds to the troubling issues.

THAT IS VERY TROUBLING

How did he marry a bunnything in a wig ?

Why does he have a necktie on!? HE HAS NO NECK

I say this next thing knowing you are right to kick me out of this plurk after.

Do they...bone?

My apology is pointing out that someone started using this gif for the mid-fuck meme on bakerstreet.

It makes me laugh every time.

lol