I bought Dream Daddy, too!

I haven't started playing it yet, though.

I ended up sleeping with the guy who looks like a werewolf on the first night. He is kind of a dick. But so mysterious! and cool! Oh no, what have I become.

Does your dad avatar always have that smug expression, or is that reserved for sick burns on his daughter?

He always has that smug expression.

always

Especially for those dad-competitions with the Ginger Lumberjack and his goddamn genius daughter!

The fucker makes me play minigames!

A lumberjack hardly seems worth it.

I want to go after goth dad.

He's actually like a general contractor but he reminds me of a lumberjack.

Yeah, Goth Dad seems classy as fuck.

I mean, I go to message him on Dadbook and I get this letter (on fuckin' parchment! Sealed with wax!)

With a wax seal!

I am trying to write him back, with the help of my daughter. Stuck on a line, here.

I feel like there's an obvious correct choice.

Yeah, his son trying to wall up an eighth grader is totally something I should bring up all the time, because that was fucking hilarious.

That is pretty great. Was that the situation where you assisted in the discipline of their child?

Yes.

your advice to not wall up classmates?

Oh fuck off werewolf dad, stop interrupting my kinda spooky semi-romantic graveyard date with goth dad!

rude

Or does that mean he becomes a stalker after your one night stand?

I think I asked how long the kid sat there. Apparently, despite being named after Ernest Hemingway, the kid is pretty fuckin' dumb. He sat there for 20 minutes as the goth son "cackled maniacally" while walling him up.

That kind of sounds like someone who got what he deserved.

oh no oh no goth dad just offered me his monogrammed handkerchief as a token of his affection and one of the responses is "I can't wait to sneeze on this" I don't know how to respond

Do what you feel in your heart.

Yeah, Especially since his English class had just completed a two week study of the Poe story.

Deserved it.

I told him I would use it to wave at passing ships. Apparently that was right. I really wanted to use the sneeze response but I like Goth Dad and don't want to gross him out by talking about boogers.

He was scared of the horror movie we ended up seeing! And he's like, kind of shy and sweet and also his house is fucking awesome.

Now let's see how this running date with bro-dad goes. I like that a lot of the responses to "ready to do more?!" are just stretched out "Ugh."

Bro-dad is kind of hot, but then the downside is he seems like such a bro.

He is such a bro. He is your bro from college, bro.

Man, I don't think there is a good option for Werewolf Dad. "You're a bad person," I tell him. "And you fell for me. You didn't seem to have a problem with it when you thought it would get you laid." Fucking dick.

And sleeping with him on the first night just leads to booty calls!

Fuck you, werewolf dad. I'm gonna try and get into Preacher Dad's pants.

Werewolves can't be tied down, I guess.

to be free to be a BAD PERSON AND ALSO A TERRIBLE FATHER while howling at the moon and whittling, I suppose.

Whittling doesn't fit the werewolf image.

I know.

But he whittled.

Maybe he's a werewolf that doesn't like vampires and has to keep some stakes around at all times.

Ooh, better warn Goth Dad about Werewolf Dad's hobby then. Not that he's a vampire but Werewolf Dad is such a prick I wouldn't put it past him to stake sweet lil Goth Dad.

Wow, Preacher dad may have one-upped Goth Dad by having a yacht. And a condom, which I somehow used to fix a radio? Wait, crap, then we did the unprotected do on the yacht after being cheered on by Coast Guard cupids.

Whoa what the fuck, Preacher Dad. You just want me to be your side-daddy while you go back to your scary wife?!

I take it back. Goth Dad is way fuckin' classier.

Oh no, not a cheating daddy!

Lumberjack Dad ended up being pretty rad. Our daughters get along well and he's pretty decent when I'm not trying to out-Dad him!

Ooooh new stuff! I think I need to re-play this.

"What's your deepest fear?" Coffee Dad asks and jesus christ HOW DID THEY KNOW MY TRUE FEAR oh no oh jeez

"We would like to buy some weed." "How much?" "Uh... one. One weed, please."