Improvised Ricotta Carbonara I-Need-To-Use-Up-These-Perishables-In-My-Fridge Cream Sauce

1 cup whole milk ricotta
2/3 cup grated parmesan
1 egg yolk
3+ roasted garlic cloves
Pepper and herbs and spices and shit (to taste)

mix

boil pasta

save 1/3 cup pasta water, drain pasta

add pasta water to ricotta mixture, stir vigorously and heat over stove until simmering and you're convinced the egg is cooked enough not to kill you

stir in pasta

bandage thumb where you cut it on the brand new very sharp knife

clean splashed pasta water off of stove and turn on stove fan to vent the gas from accidentally extinguishing the burner with said pasta water

remove wax paper that accidentally got boiled with the pasta

eat pasta

be genuinely astounded that this kind of worked and is pretty tasty

resolve to never, ever make a roux again and base all future sauces on ricotta and pasta water

A+

Sorry bout your thumb

I should start a Disaster Recipe blog

today's recipe is italian sausages. have your fire extinguisher on hand.

Sauteed (?) Brussel Sprouts
ingredients:
-however many brussel sprouts you want to eat, quartered
-like half an onion
-lots of garlic
-olive oil
-salt to taste
-a new non-stick pan to replace the one you're about to ruin

Deep Fried Anything
-just don't

What if I don't want to eat any brussel sprouts? I guess I just sautee a bunch of salted garlic and onion in olive oil and eat that

then the disaster will probably happen in your GI tract instead.

if you don't want brussel sprouts that's okay, because there's only about a 50% chance that this recipe will yield edible brussel sprouts

so what i'm gathering here is that it's like cooking in breath of the wild

YES

except with more blood and fire

so if link was a targaryen. got it