I just...guys, I would never ever think of taking my own life ever in any situation but I'm having a day where it's just like...why?

dad got out of the icu only to go back in because hes having heart problems now. his heart rate spiked up to 200 and I'm not sure whether I should laugh at my own self inflicted optimism or cry and lay in bed all day

and I cant just not come see him. hes much worse off than me. I just

don't have any room to complain but now I think I understand the "I just wanna lay in an open casket and get tossed into the fiery pits of hades" but I see s lot of people talk about

honey you always have room to complain. :c

it's an awful situation all around and nobody should have to be in it, either in your spot or your dad's

it all sucks and you get to talk about all of it and how it affects you

there is no "you must be this miserable to complain" stand next to this ride

I just want there to be

because if there was then I wouldn't have to be miserable. I could say "No need!!!!" and be okay

but I just feel so distinctly unokay right now and I just wanna hug someone and cry.

I'm here at the hospital again and they're giving him morphine and some anxiety medicine to calm him down

i know darlin, i wish there were quotas and switches like that to make it a binary thing but

and hes just in so much pain, and I'm sitting here, scared to death I'm going to lose my dad in the same year I lost my mom

;; honey

like hes gonna have a heart attack or something and I'm gonna get a phone call from the hospital saying "I'm sorry to have to tell you this," and I just

god, I dont know if I could mentally handle it. I dont think I could take it.

i know it's hard but try and focus on the now and the here and something physical like. some real icy water to kind of ground yourself :c

Agreed, sweetheart. Just take a few deep breaths and try to calm down yourself. Brains like to question everything and force up the worse case scenario. Just breathe. Slowly.

You won’t know until it happens. Nothing at all could happen. He’s in good hands with experienced men and women there to look after him. You have to trust that he won’t leave you and they won’t let him leave you.

I know it’s hard, but the most you can do right now is just breathe and try to stay calm.

I'm so sorry, I wish I could do more for you. For now, just know that we love you and we're here.