Okay, so. Dad first.

He’s deteriorating. Having a hard time talking, refusing food and pain medicine, and...he swears that there’s a cat in his house. Or a little dog. (There is a little dog. His little dog.)

He’s generally comfortable. Big brother quit his job to be able to live with him and take care of him. I work until noon on weekdays and spend my afternoons and early evenings with him.

Brother is doing alright. He’s eating and sleeping okay. We’re all generally exhausted but he affirmed with me that he’s eating three square meals a day, plus snacks.

He also sees a therapist once a week. And he’s given me a number for a therapist near me.

I would honestly like to say that I’m the same as him but I’m just not.

This is way worse than when mom passed away for me physically. Bun took me out for lunch after mom died and encouraged eating to the point that I gained a lot of weight.

I don’t think I’m eating enough. I eat one meal meal a day. Nothing outstandingly healthy. Yesterday, I had a clif bar and a corn dog. My body is really upset with me.

My throat got swollen about two days ago, and it isn’t anything painful! My voice is a little raspy. I’ve been medicating for a hot minute with mucinex, Aleve, hot tea, cough drops, and a couple other things (in moderation!!) but nothing helps.

It’s at the point where my stomach is either trying to flip inside out of eat itself, and I’m so tired that I’m having a hard time caring. AND THIS IS WILD BECAUSE I SHOULD ACTUALLY CARE A WHOLE LOT.

If for any other reason than to be able to be with dad. I would hate myself forever if I brought this body illness and general ickiness on myself, and the worst happened.

I had to call out of work yesterday and my boss has been super flexible with me. Which has been amazing, but I just. In general. Physically and emotionally and mentally feel like I’m coming apart at t(e seams.

Trying to find time for myself without feeling the insane guilt of not being with dad is virtually impossible.

Basically, Squish is a Hot Mess and Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

hugs you gently

Oh hon I am so sorry

I am here if you ever want a distraction or need to scream into the void and be heard.

Also hugs gently. Same, fam, if you ever need to talk or anything I’m always here.

Agreed. I'm so sorry you're going through this, and if there's anything that I can do to help, you only need to ask.

babe ;;

Same here. If things get too much, I'm here for you, sweetheart.