today is a bad emotions day.

I've been tasked with doing through the pictures and sorting them

she just looks so happy. like...so happy and so normal and so alive.

Oh, love. I'm so sorry.

honestly, I thought dad would be mor re difficult but I'm just awash with these awful, hectic and sad feelings about mom.

they'll never get to know their grandkids. my kids will only have pictures and memories and...its crushing.

and my memories**

I'll never get to call my mom, crying because I thought I broke the baby. or let her spoil them with chocolate right before sending t hm em and ack home to me.

it's just. god. it's a bad feel. I am just having a bad feel, and I cant swing myself back up right now. I want to cry but I cant do it.

i'm so sorry hun. it's hard to think about the future, about all of those things. if you can, take a step back and remember to try and take this grief one day at a time.

I'm so sorry, Squish.

trying to consider all those future missings at once is overwhelming and can just hurt a lot. sometimes you just have to put it away. but damn, it's a lot

I'm so, so sorry sweetie

I’m sorry, squish...