Let's see… I am pretty definitely somewhere arospec, probably demiromantic or something related. I've been attracted to like four people ever in any degree and I knew all of them pretty well before that happened. Similarly, but with less comfort because of Reasons, probably demisexual-related?

But like. Once in a relationship I clearly do have a sex drive and while I know that isn't incompatible with ace-spec-ness I get Neurotic about claiming it.

Similarly, while it doesn't feel any less likely for me to end up attracted to guys, those four have included two women and two enbies who were presenting as women when I met them, so I have mixed feelings about claiming to be bi or pan or whatever even though that's probably the closest group of labels?

And then there's gender, which, um. What even is a gender? I do not understand gender enough to have one, and I know from history that I don't care how people read mine, but I'm also beardy and perfectly comfortable being read as the one I was assigned at birth so is there a meaningful sense in which I'm not cis?

I don't heckin' know.

(for "read" above read "read, referred to, and/or otherwise treated")

I've never been in a particularly-visibly-queer relationship; I've not been subject to transphobia; in general I have been incredibly privileged in what relationships to queerdom I have, so can I really claim any kind of right to community membership?

I was hit by the whole compulsory-[hetero]sexuality thing, I guess, but we all are, including cishet people who just happened to be late bloomers. Sometimes I wonder if that's all I am on the orientation front, especially since I can be out-of-touch with my experiences enough that maybe I've been attracted to a whole bunch of people and not noticed it.

And I know, writing it out, that this reads a whole lot like classic impostor-syndrome nonsense, but… I don't know. It might be justified.