I just banished an entire bag because they were ALL TERRIBLE

mine do this to me on a regular basis

/screams to the sky

I am a monk with a +9 attack bonus AND I CAN'T HIT A 14 AC TONIGHT

oh, me and initiative

my highest last session was 8

I did roll a good initiative and a good saving throw BUT OTHERWISE

you're a monk, you better be able to save

I sometimes get good rolls on things like initiative or searching for hidden doors or whatever, but then it's combat time and it goes from "I'm going to shoot this thing" to "my die says I'm not going to shoot this thing"

I did once, with a flaming arrow, and it was glorious

my class has a fire bolt special ability and it's a running joke that i can't hit with it

but most of the time it's "I'll just stand over here and watch you guys kill things"

she's a ranger so it's not like she's the best fighter in the group but she should at least be able to shoot things

I shot myself in the foot once because I botched

Our wizard is getting his ass verbally whooped at least

That's always fun

THE BAG SWITCH WORKED

Also I am now a hasted monk and therefore a spinning whirlpool of DEATH

...the best botch effect I ever had was as a GM. the party failed their check to recognize the mimic and opened the "chest". The mimic nat 1'd it's attack role so the 'lid' just kind of fell shut on the back of one of them as they reached inside and then they propped it open with a stick

I never felt so betrayed by my dice before that encounter

the mimic failed so many rolls

Wizard: Gee, does a 31 hit?
All of us: /DARK LOOK

hahah

That mimic is amazing

I want to run a party now that has a mimic pet

hahah. that would be great.

they keep it's loyalty by feeding it the bodies of their enemies

and it's like "this is the good life"

Occasionally it eats a fancy person's pet

Like a rare parrot or something

And they have to make shit up to not get in trouble

"Where did Sir Ruffington the Fourth go?"
Mimic: Burps
Party: "No idea"

"Did you check next door?"

at least in the last session I did get the giant bees to stop attacking us

on the second try, but at least it was something...

And I got the How Do You Want To Do This against a group of cloakers and ripped the last one apart with my bare hands

Exorcise your dice

Give the dice a bath. Maybe they just want a little TLC.

salt bath

Kill two birds with one stone!

I mean, if you could get some holy water from a church and add it to the bath, I'm sure that would help with the exorcism as well.

I'd probably burst into flame if I set foot in a church

Fair. Salt should work well enough.

Salt Bae'th

salt bath will also help to see if it's weighted funny

They're not, that bag was just cursed last night. That bag is the one I normally use and it has my favorite sets in it, and most of the time I get decent-to-good results

Might need to throw some salt at the bag itself, too.