There's been a fat squirrel that goes between our roof and our neighbor's roof for...years, I want to say? At least one year.

I've had stare downs with it in the past, since it likes to eat from our yard. And take over our stairs.

I legit came back from work one day to find it sitting on our stairs, munching at something. It was not at all bothered by me. It tried to intimidate me.

I kind of hate it.

ANYWAY, it's now decided that scratching at the roof right above my room is a Good Idea and worth doing late at night and early in the morning.

I've been punching the roof to scare it and make it move. It usually moves only a little bit, so I have to chase it off from my room, following it and punching appropriately. But tonight?

Motherfucker didn't budge

It finally stopped on its own, but now I am afraid.

Of a squirrel.

shout out to MondayMorning5 for being the voice of reason

There there

I know we all joke about Schrodie being my nemesis, but I think my true nemesis is this squirrel.

Which means I now need to give it a name.

This squirrel has caused trouble before, so yeah.

I'll let you do the honors?

I name it...Assbucket

beautiful

FUCK YOU, ASSBUCKET

fuck you in the bucket

I'm gonna punt Assbucket into a bucket, and then kick the bucket into the dumpster where it belongs

are you going to start sleeping with his photo under your pillow, too

if I can get close enough to take its picture, I'm going to choose to dispose of it instead

maybe you can give it coffee, and it will get so hypercaffeinated that its heart stops?

oh, we can use those SB beans for that

ah that would be a good use

I made coffee with them, but they're smelling a bit weird