And this is about to get long because I have a lot of shit in my head right now and I don't know who to talk to because I don't want to put it on Mike or anyone

like maybe my therapist?? But that's not until Wednesday :\

Anyway it's not a sprain. I broke it. Like, not fractured: I fucking sheared my ankle.

And I need to have surgery.

I've never broken anything, and I've never had surgery, so I'm fucking terrified, and I'm dealing with some serious body horror

the doctor had terrible bedside manner and was like "Yeah it needs surgery" while laughing and then "It's bad" and I'm just going pale and crying and trying to keep it together while he's telling me this

and as I'm walking out of the office, a woman stops me and asks how I did it, and I told her it was while playing roller derby, and her response was "Well that's why you shouldn't do things you're not very good at"

and I just

what the fuck

And while I'm really happy about this job with the tattoo place, I'm also 1. humiliated that I broke my ankle before starting, and 2. worried they won't apprentice me, 3. feeling pressure to perform well and provide good art even though if they dON'T apprentice me, it's still a good opportunity to see how the industry works

and have dedicated time for drawing because the master tattooist there expects me to draw in my downtime

and some stuff has happened in my personal relationships that's leaving me feeling so fucking wrecked and unhappy and I can't really talk about it with anyone

I honestly just feel like I'm hitting a wall in every direction, and I'm ready to give up

and I KNOW. I know I just need to push through, and that I have so many people willing to work with me and a small handful willing to be supportive and Mike is shouldering so much

but that leaves me feeling guilty

I'm tired and I'm sad and I feel like a stupid fuck for doing this to my foot

and I feel like a failure

fuck, finally getting that all out in one place helped so much

ANyway hey my ankle's broken and I need pins and surgery.

Good god that's a lot to deal with at once, I think it's pretty normal to be feeling rough with all of that on you at once

Holy shit, that's rough. And shame on those medical "professionals" for not treating you kindly and making light of shit when you're already out of sorts from getting injured and dealing with the news!

I had something similar happen to me in my youth (unrelated to broken bones) and it's fucking terrifying.

/offers hugs if you want them

thank you guys

both

<3

and yes I will accept hugs

I have also undergone surgery that required me being put under ages ago, so IDK how things are now. But I do remember that one moment I was awake, the next, boom, I'm waking up post-op.

Ugh, I am sorry! My brother broke his ankle in Nov 2018, and had to have surgery. If it helps at all, he’s fine now, but I know it sucks and it’s scary.

I've been hearing a lot about like how recovery has a positive outlook and like

my friend had seven pins and a plate in his ankle, and he's back competing

he was back doing bouts in a year

it's just fucking frustrating and horrific

thekt: yeah they're going to put me under for it

I can only imagine.

maybe ?? outpatient??

My discussion with the doctor is very vague in my memory right now

I know our dog Jazz has a plate at her knee and it was outpatient. She was in at the morning and out by evening after they were sure she was okay.

(she tore a ligament)

People have a tendency to try to focus on sharing the positives and be encouraging, but it’s also seriously okay to be freaked out about it too

oh no I've gotten a lot of "You should have known better"s

like

people been mean

wtf assholes????

dude what a dickhole why would she say that

if anyone's an asshole about you being injured you get to legally stick a pen right in their neck its in the constitution

James Madison wrote that part.

I'm sorry people are being so terrible to you. surgery is scary even if there is every reason to trust it go well.

D: I'm so sorry you had a crappy experience with the docs, I hope surgery is super straightforward and recovery quick <3 /offers many hugs
injuries happen even when people do know what they're doing

and anyone who says different is just plain rude and ignorant