I hope you feel better, Squish. It's okay to not be optimistic right now

ty everyone...ty

just changed the top level because maybe a little venting is what i need to do >:C bleh.

so. Mute as needed and!! Have a wonderful day! >:Cbbb

....ok, so today wasn't...even bad. like. i went to work today and

well- let's start with my first crazy grocery trip last week. I bought 3 packs of toilet paper-- but not for me. I bought them for my coworkers, who live in areas where there was no toilet paper at all

everyone panicked and bought way more than they ever could have needed and...idk. bun and i had some

so I game my coworker 2, and the other one was like "Nope, I'm fine, I'm good." and I thought...

...ok, I'll keep it in the trunk of my car

the toilet paper. the third pack

because maybe sometime will come when someone is desperate for it, and I can just give it to them

>:C felt good, bun and I continued to not need it

and my coworker that didn't get any Tp today was like "WE ARE DOWN TO ONE ROLL BETWEEN MYSELF AND MY TWO KIDS"

and I'm just like "cool, I'll just leave the one I bought in your cubicle and you can just pay me back for it later

this is today.

so I leave it there for her, and call Bun because why not go to the grocery store while I'm already out

he sends me the grocery list I wrote and I'm like "do you need or want anything?" and he's like

"yeah, frozen dinners and hot pockets"

nd I'm like ".....what kind?"
"oh, idc, surprise me."

and I.....??? idk. I am not in the grocery store to peruse

I am there to get what is on my list and leave

i'm not happy about going to the grocery store but one of us needs to go and bun hates shopping

he gives up when he can't find something and won't look and it is BEYOND frustrating, so I took it on

I ask him how we're doing on toilet paper and he says

"oh, we have 3 rolls left"

nd suddenly it's just like. a wave. and I say "well...I'll look for some today then"

......

fast forward to the grocery store and there, of course, is none

everyone is grumpy and angry and

i'm just trying to get to the coffee creamer and someone is in front of me just

standing there on the phone

so I, from a proper distance, say "Excuse me?"

and they just fly off the handle

"DON'T TOUCH ME. DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON RIGHT NOW"

as she wears an N95 mask and rubber gloves

idk. i just left the creamer for last and left her alone because...people are stressed out right now, I get it

i get everything ready, go back for the creamer at the end, and check out

and i just feel like that woman straight up stabbed me

i want to cry but i cannot wash my hands-- I am in my car with a tiny bottle of hand sanitizer

that will not protect me if I start rubbing at my eyes

i drive home, start carrying in the groceries, and bun is at his computer playing with friends

he can hear me come in and says "hey, babe!" from the office with half a headphone on

i make several trips in and out with the groceries, put them all away

start a load of laundry

get in the shower...and just cry

jesus christ

Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry.

i mean i get everyone's at their fucking breaking point but goddamn that shit's uncalled for

how you doin honey

It's really rough and stressful, yeah, I don't blame you for not being able to handle her stress on top of your own.

and he comes into the bathroom about 45 minutes later like "heeeeyyyy!!! how was work??" and I was like "I just. I'm. emotional and stressed. please leave me alone."

nd he leaves, and idk if i meant that.

he wasn't offended but....idk. when i'm feeling up for verbal conversation we're going to talk about what we do here at home during this whole thing

because i am working part time and paying for everything that we still use, and bun is on call and being paid full time, and....doing nothing around the house at all. he hasn't worked in two weeks.

we're okay, but......it's frustrating. he won't do anything unless i start trying to do something, from eating better to working out, and he has no initiative or time management of his own

and i love him very much, but when he waits on me to do things, it stresses me out like crazy because i feel like I'm having to think and plan for two people instead of just me

tldr: squish is stressed, someone yelled at me because they were stressed, and now i'm so stressed that i can't verbally discuss it with my husband without feeling like i might snap on him or start sobbing.

my name is squish...welcome to the worst ted talk ever.

i just stressed myself out even more just looking around for TP online. why? why would I do that now? I feel worse? why is my brain tricking me into doing things that just make me feel worse???

Because brain is kind of stupid sometimes.

But even though brain is stupid, Squish is smart. You'll get through it.

.... ty, sweet friends

oh darling ;;

gently hugs, i'm so sorry

oh sweetie...I'm so sorry that happened.