He's in really bad shape.

Oh god, I'm so sorry.

How are you handling things? Do you have a therapist? Someone you can talk to?

I know it's been a long time since we talked, but I'm so sorry.

I am so sorry

Cricket_Melodies: Thanks, I don't have a therapist, but I've got my Mom and my Sister and a handful of relatives on both sides of the family who've been helping out.

pawpads: Thanks, I appreciate it.

Airdra: Thank you so much.

I'll be thinking of you all. that's horrible

I'm glad you have them, but it's hard stuff even with support. My aunt died of cancer complications a couple years ago, and my sister works with grief groups. So if you need more support let me know and I'll look into resources. Hang in there, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.

kharamagic: Thank you, that really means a lot. Yeah, we're still reeling from it.

Cricket_Melodies: Oh man, I'm sorry about your aunt. Thank you, I really appreciate it and I'll definitely let you know. Thanks, we knew it was bad, but it just suddenly accelerated.

Just take care of yourself as best you can. Hang in there.

oh no I'm so sorry

Oh man, I am so sorry.

Cricket_Melodies: Thanks, Mom's making sure that we all are resting when we need to. <3

infiniteviking: /hugs Thank you so much.

tanks4thememory: Thanks, I appreciate it.

It's weird, yesterday, it seemed like everything fell into place as it needed/supposed to do.

We've been cleaning the house, but decided it was a rest day. Because it was a rest day, I had more energy and for some reason wouldn't go to bed. Because I didn't go to bed, I checked on Dad at 4 AM, when he asked for an ambulance.

It's possible he wouldn't've survived the night without going to the hospital, and he only ended up going to the hospital because things fell into place.

That's wild. I'm glad you checked on him.

Cricket_Melodies: Yeah, me too, I'm so, so thankful that I did.

Oh no, honey, I'm so so so sorry.

penguin198705: Thank you so very much.

/so many hugs

infiniteviking: /all the hugs

One of Dad's brothers is with him right now and says that he'll be moved out of the ICU and to a regular hospital room sometime today. Me, my Mom, my Sister, and some relatives are going to try and scramble to clear out the living room so a bed can go in there when he's able to come home.

penguin198705: /the biggest hug

infiniteviking: /snugglehug

We got the living room cleared enough to get the hospital bed in when Dad's able to come home.

penguin198705: Your pictures of your super cute new puppy have brought some much-needed cheer.

I saw a rainbow on the way to visit Dad in the hospital.

I'm glad. I will definitely post tons more

penguin198705: Thank you, he's so, so adorable. I've been showing them to Dad, and he thinks he's cute, too.

penguin198705: OH MY GOODNESS he's so tiny, thanks!

Mom just found an ink pen given to her by her mother (who died of cancer like 12 years ago) that she thought was lost forever, she hadn't seen it since before her Mom died.

For a while now, since February-ish, Tron has been like my comfort thing with everything that's been going on.

I couldn't sleep this morning and brought my Tron action figures downstairs with me to kinda not be alone and later I had a very nice nap while watched over by my Trons.

Dad's coming home sometime today and I'm afraid, becsuse I know it won't be for long, we don't know how much time he's got left, but it isn't great.

I talked to Mom for a while and I feel a lot better at the moment.

We've been trying to come up with things to look forward to down the road.

Sounds like Dad'll be coming home around 7:30 tonight, that's the earliest they can get an ambulance to bring him.

A dear family friend who really helped us out when Dad was in the hospital last year made us dinner and brought it over. It was so good.

penguin198705: /hugs

He's my favorite Vader

Dad got home a little bit ago. He seems like he's doing okay, he's talking pretty good, but he's wheezing a little, so that's kinda worrying. A nurse is coming tomorrow to finish getting him set up.

The hospice nurse that came to set things up said that he's in bad shape. She said probably 2 weeks max left.

penguin198705: He's my favorite Vader, too

The family friend who made us dinner yesterday made us so much food that we were still eating some of it today and still have 2 containers left.

That person is an angel

penguin198705: She really, really is! She helped us out so much when Dad was in the hospital last year, too.

penguin198705: /hugs

If all goes well, some of my uncles are planning to bring their dog by for a visit sometime today.

Aww, that sounds great. I hope it's a lovely visit

Cricket_Melodies: Thanks! We visited with them for a while, but Biscuit was getting a little hyper and bitey, so they're gonna take her for a ride to calm her down and come back in a bit. ^_^

My uncles brought Biscuit back, so we got to hang out with them for a while. Some other relatives showed up, too, so we had a good crew for a while there.

/nests with<3

/cuddles in <3

Dad's blood oxygen count is starting to get a little low, so they brought us an oxygen machine for him.

Dad took a pretty bad turn a while ago. He doesn't like the oxygen, so it's not helping. He got cold and couldn't get warm. Mom called the hospice nurse and they told her to give him certain medicines they gave us in the care package, and I think they maybe helped? He sorta sent us away, saying we all needed to go to bed, but when asked if we could stay, he

said yes. Mom's on the couch next to the bed, while me and my sister are sitting nearby. I jump at every noise he makes. I'm worried about what's going to happen.

Oh, damn. Hang in there. This has got to be rough.

Oh no, stay strong

Thank you both so much. /hugs

After a very rough day, Dad died around 3 AM.

Do you need anything? How are you holding up today?

Thank you so much, I'm not sure yet, but I'll let you know if I think of anything.

I'm okay at the moment, mostly exhausted, I haven't been to bed yet. I had been bracing myself for days, so I was kinda prepared for it. Or, maybe it just hasn't really sank in.

/hugs

It might take a while for it to. :C Just do whatever you need to take care of yourself. If you want my number for someone to text, let me know too. I'm thinking of you and your family right now. /hugs back

I'm so sorry. Grief is a funny thing that's going to creep up on you; just be gentle with yourself

Cricket_Melodies: Yeah... Yeah, we all went to bed and slept for a while, which helped. Thank you so, so much I super appreciate it, that means a lot to me. Thank you all thoughts are definitely welcome. /hugs

Airdra: Thank you. Yeah, I can already feel it trying to show up for different things, it's gonna be hard for a while.

If it wasn't for the virus, we'd be able to go do fun things and travel to get our minds off of it, so that's making it more difficult, too.

This analogy really helped me after my grandma passed, I hope it can do the same for you here

Airdra: Thank you, that's very sweet and thoughtful, I really appreciate it. Reading it, it feels very accurate.

I'm sorry. Yeah, give yourself time

I don't have words... I'm so sorry...

kharamagic: Thank you. Yeah, we're just doing what we can and taking it slow right now.

penguin198705: /hugs Thank you so, so much.

Taking it slow is probably for the best, yeah. Also, try to remember that mourning is very fucking personal. Don't let anyone try to tell you the right or wrong way to do it.

May his memory be a blessing.

Cricket_Melodies: Thank you so much. Mom's been super understanding with how I've been dealong with things, every time I tell her I feel bad for thinking something, she tells me it's okay.

I'm so glad you have support in each other. This is so hard. :C Family that you trust really helps.

infiniteviking: /big hug Thank you, I hope that one day it will be, but right now it's really hard. Mom said we needed a picture of him for the funeral and there's one I really love and I found it on the computer and it's such a good, good picture and it hurts so bad to look at it.

Yeah /holds tight

infiniteviking: /hugs back tightly

Cricket_Melodies: Thanks, me too, I'm so, so thankful for my Mom and sister. We'll get through it together. Pappaw helps, too, but he lives so far away. I think he's going to help/support with some stuff tomorrow, like deciding on arrangements.

penguin198705: /hugs

Mom just said that the funeral director wants us to bring Dad's Darth Vader costume so they can display it. (The funeral will be Wednesday at the earliest.)

Pappaw's taking us for pizza now, he's so sweet. <3

Looks like the funeral is Thursday afternoon.

We stopped by Grandma and Grampa's, Grandma found a bunch of old pics of my Dad, which was pretty cool.

Displaying the costume sounds amazing. And I'm glad you got to see pictures of him!

Cricket_Melodies: Yeah, it was such a good idea! The funeral director is awesome! Yeah, it was rough, but the older pictures were easier to deal with.

When my sister died, people flooded Facebook with pictures of her. It was painful, yeah, but seeing bits of her life that I hadn't personally been there with her for was pretty amazing too. Have you thought about a memorial page online? We did that, and paid for it to be kept up permanently. And the messages are pretty comforting even now.

Cricket_Melodies: That's neat that you were able to see pics that you hadn't before, but, yeah, I can totally understand how painful it is. That's a really good idea! The funeral home set one up, but I don't know how long it'll be up. That's super awesome, and I'll run the idea by Mom and see what she thinks.

Cricket_Melodies: I asked the funeral director yesterday about the memorial page they did for Dad, and he said it was funded forever, but, he wouldn't be around forever to make sure, so it's a theoretical, fairly solid forever.

That's good. I'm glad it's being handled that way.

Cricket_Melodies: Yeah, me too. It's a nice little page they put together, so I'm glad it'll stick around. I'm glad you came up with the idea so I could ask!

We ate lunch with my aunt (Dad's sister) today, and she said that the other day, one of her lights was blinking oddly in almost a pattern, so she thinks that Dad visited her. (In the past, she's had other things happen with other deceased relatives.)

It's weird how things work out like that. I think our loved ones do have a way of telling us it's okay. Or okay enough, anyway.

Cricket_Melodies: Yeah, I thought it was really cool.

The morning of the day before or the morning before it happened, I had kinda an experience/feeling letting me know everything was gonna be okay.

This morning, around 9-ish, I spotted a deer lying in our yard. She hung around for a while, disappeared, then reappeared a while later. Not long ago, we were talking with Mom in the kitchen and I happened to glance out the window and saw a tiny, tiny baby deer. The baby is so tiny, it disappears in the grass. Momma vanished again, but she might be around.

Awwwwwww~

She decided your yard was safe to leave her baby while she browsed<3

A tiny fawn is an amazing thing to see.

a baby

<3 Yeah! And, we carefully peeked around and saw the tiny baby hidden in some tall grass behind a car in our driveway. We left it alone and stood several feet away, though my sister took some pictures of it. <3 It's so, so cute and good. <3

There was also a rabbit nearby, so we were joking that it was Bambi and Thumper. <3

That's so sweet! I'm glad you got to see it.

That's adorable<3

<3 I'm so glad, too.

Both the bunny and the deer were super cute. <3

lol, we might've smelled a skunk a bit ago, so Flower joined in, too. <3

<3

<3!

There are two baby deer and their Momma in the yard this morning!

Oh my god, how sweet! You've got visitors!

<3333!

<3 <3 <3 They were amazing! The babies ran around and had fun, and the mama kept an eye on them.

They were a nice distraction, Dad's funeral was today. It went well, but it was still tough. When we came back, Momma deer was nowhere in sight, but the babies were laying down behind a car so sweetly. We stayed far away, but could see their ears sticking up. <3

Such good visitors<3

Ahh, I'm so glad they were still there!

It's not unusual for mama deer to leave their babies in a safe place; she knew they'd be fine with y'all

<3 They are the best visitors!

Me too! Awww! ^_^ Yeah, we have a fenced in yard, and we left them alone yesterday. <3

Aww, that's so sweet. I'm so glad you have these little visitors to keep you company.

Thanks, yeah, they've really helped the past few days. <3

We told the funeral director about them, and he said that the deer at the cemetary might eat all of the flowers that were left on Dad's grave. <3

One of the babies was sleeping under a tree, then started looking around. Momma deer showed up a little later, and then the two of them meandered around the yard.

The other baby showed up a few minutes ago and they're all having a good time. <3

sweeties~~

They're all just so cute! <3

/hugs

Back for her birthday, my sister did a Facebook fundraiser for prostate cancer because of Dad. Today, they sent a package with blue wristbands and pins as thanks.

I put a Tron action figure in Dad's casket, but I kept the disc accessory.

The blue of the prostate cancer stuff matches the blue on the Tron disc.

oh wow

Yeah, it was so weird!

oh man

awwwwww<3

<3!

The pic is kinda bad, but it looks like the baby deer got put in time out, lol

..oh no <3

They're so tiny!

so small

<3 So little and cute! <3

While Momma deer is gone, they lie behind a car in the driveway, one behind each back tire and most of the time, you can just see their big ears, lol

Teeny babies!

<3 I love them so much!

Two little pancakes:

They're SO CUTE

God, they're darling. Little pancake babies.

They really are, I just can't get over how precious they are!

....they match the flowers

Oh, they do! <3

Looks like the deer are gone. The babies seemed restless yesterday and today, the people next door were filling in their old swimming pool with some kind of construction vehicle and made a whole lot of noise all day today.

ahhh, alas

maybe they'll come back when things are quieter!

Hopefully! It'd be cool to see how they grow up!

It would. ^^

^_^ And, maybe in the future, they'll bring their kids to hang out in the yard!

Yes good

Deer-family tradition!

Yes!

We've had a few babies in the yard in years past, so I like to think that the mama was one of them. ^_^

I hope they come back!

How are you holding up, btw?

Me too!

I'm okay overall. There's been more off times the past few days, sometimes it's hard. Everything feels out of balance. Thanks for asking.

How have you been?

It can be that way. You still have a lot of support if you need it, right? I just wanted to check up on you.

I'm okay! I want a redo on 2020, but I'm not the only one, lol.

Thank you so very much, I really appreciate it. I have support from family and friends, both offline and online (including you, of course! <3).

I'm glad you're okay! Oh gosh, hard same. January 1st was pretty awesome for me and my sister, so I thought this year was gonna be better.

/hugs so much<3

/so many hugs <3

We had gone out for a bit, and when we pulled into the driveway, the deer were there. Alas, even though Mom backed out, it still freaked the deer out and they left.

They still came back though, that's something!

Yeah! So, maybe they'll try again another day. ^_^

Mama deer and babies are all hanging out in the yard. ^_^ Guess we didn't scare them too badly!

We also saw a rabbit and a skunk in the yard yesterday, lol

You have the full set!

Hee! Yeah! I'm probably way more pleased about that than I should be, lol. Bambi was important to me as a kid.

Keep an eye out for an owl!

I will! I hear them every now and then, so maybe I'll get lucky!

For a little while, a second lady deer was with the mama and babies, but they've all vanished at the moment.

<3

<3 The deer keep appearing and disappearing in various amounts, so it's kinda a fun surprise to see how many deer are out there. <3

The babies prance towards their mama sometimes, and it's so funny. Haven't managed to get a picture yet, they're unpredictable, lol

Cuuute!

It's so, so cute! They stick their tails up and just prance after her!

Hee, there are 2 young mockingbirds toodling about and making a lot of noise.

Seepy

They are SO CUTE and getting SO BIG

I just found out that an uncle who married into the family's Mom died. She was really sweet and I always enjoyed spending time with her. Years ago, when her husband died, me and Dad went to the visitation and she took up with me and held my hand and walked around with me.

ahh, I'm so sorry

Thank you. I knew she was in kinda bad shape, but it was so sudden.

God, I'm sorry. :C

Thanks. I don't think I've seen her since Christmas, but I liked knowing that she was around.

STICK A LEGGY OUT

leg

Sitting with mama.

Ahhhh! They're so cute! Look at that leg!

T_T This morning Mom discovered that back in February, Dad made a hotel reservation for Disney World for November. He had said that he wanted to do the Mickey's Christmas Party this year.

:C I'm so sorry.

Thanks. We're not sure what to do, I think we have a while before we have to cancel. Like, will it be safe to travel then? It's the last trip he planned, so it feels like a shame to not try and go if it's possible to.

Yeah, I think it'd be worth trying?

Yeah, it's still a ways away, hopefully the virus will have slowed down by then. If not, at least we kept it on the table as long as we could.

That's a good way to look at it. I hope you can go, though.

<3 Thanks. <3 I hope so, too, but it'll all work out how it's supposed to. I think we have like up until 30 days before to cancel, so we've got a while to see how it goes.

Oh man, good luck, definitely

Thanks! <3

My sister's boyfriend's family had a small family party and invited us. It was nice, after I ate, I spent the majority of time in the pool. I can't remember the last time I swam, I forgot how fun it was.

Years ago, I found some small donut-shaped drink floaties for like $1, so I brought them. They weren't as exciting as I had hoped, so I tossed them like frisbees at the 2 teens and we played Donut Floaty Frisbee for a good while, it was fun. ^_^

I also kinda went into a Pool Trance and just paddled around mindlessly, it was super relaxing.

The family said that nobody really uses the pool, so we're welcome to come back any time all the time, so I'm hoping to take them up on that, it'll be nice to get some exercise in a safe place.

The funeral visitation just ended and my uncles asked me, my Mom, and my sister if we'd be pallbearers at the funeral tomorrow. Both of them had made comments on how much she loved us. I've never been a pallbearer before, but I'll do my best for her.

Good luck tomorrow!

<3 Thanks! It was such a surprise, but definitely an honor! ^_^

Oh, definitely! You'll do great!

Awww, thanks! <3

lol, so like 5 minutes into the funeral the fire alarm went off. It took them a little while to sort it out, and even though there was no fire, two fire trucks showed up.

There was like seven pallbearers, so that made it easier for me and my sister to carry it, though, out of the service, we got put on the back end, so it was sagging a little, lol.

To the grave, I ended up at the front, but it didn't seem as heavy as going out of the service.

Stick ALL the leggy out!

So relaxed!

OH MY GOSH so it started pouring rain and they were running laps around the yard, it was hilarious

BABY BUNNY

We haven't seen the baby deer in a while and they've gotten so big!

Putting this here, because I'm not sure where else to: NCIS Season 4, Episode 3 "Singled Out" - Gibbs temporarily has scruffy hair and a mustache, in a scene where he wears a baseball hat, he looks just like Dad, Dad used to wear hats all the time and had a similar styled coat for work.

The same thing for NCIS Season 4, Episode 4 "Faking It"