today has been rough for NO REASON AT ALL. I am trying to exist happily but today it is just existing at all and feeling extreme guilt and anxiety under all the 'what ifs' and the voices that say 'people don't like you.'

my husband's family and I are not close. I've been with him for 8 years. They're pretty normal and not rude but....man. I feel so out of the loop. we don't see eye to eye on a lot of political points and sometimes I feel like despite me setting 99% of those things down for family get togethers

(with the exception being blatant fucking racism or sexism bc i will throw hands all hours of the day)

they just choose to keep me at arms length. it feels like my opinions make me dangerous to them.

I was blocked by my, er...step sister?? in law?? idk. Bun's step mother's son's wife. uwu confusing af

because I had opinions and she didn't share them. and I still firmly believe in my stances but I just...idk. the doubt and self hate creeps in occasionally. sits down in my safe space and just torments me. sometimes as a fleeting moment, and in recent memory, sometimes as long as four days straight.

the point of all this is I came here and get to see all of you. and see that there are other lives outside of mine that function through their own grievances and problems. who draw, and love, and have feelings that they're allowed to have.

and...idk. its refreshing. all of it. so...I won't say any names, but you really saved me, today. by talking about something that makes you happy. and...idk. thank you for sharing your happiness with me. thank you for sharing your feelings with me.

thanks for making me feel human again.

squish shut up it's too early for me to cry

I LOVE YOU YOU BEAN

Smooches ya nose

Aww, you're beautifull