holy cripes. ty plurk. ty for bolding what i asked you to bold.

we just got word that bun's grandfather, who he wasn't terribly close to (but married to his grandma, who he is VERY close to) just passed away.

let me just be the one to say that this is an Experience because you can always say 'Man, people react to things in different ways,' and handling bun reacting to this has been a serious challenge to me

not because he's overwhelming or emotional....because he isn't.

and that isn't to say that he's heartless....he and his dad (my father in law) just weren't ever close to his grandfather.

when i sit back and think about it, in my family, only people who were INSANELY close to me have passed away. my parents, obviously, but also my grandma bernie.

my whole being is just. i don't want him to feel the way i did. i don't want him to feel alone bUT HE IS FINE AND WE HAVE A PLAN AND I JUST....

I feel like I have so much extra energy that i just need to

you know?? worrying energy.

i want to worry but he doesn't need me to worry and so i will not worry him.

i only met his grandfather a handful of times, and he was a nice enough gentleman, but he was on the decline when I met him a few years ago.

bun asked me for my input and I told him that more than likely, he'll be fine all the way up to the funeral, and then if his grandma drops any of her strength for even a second and he sees it, or his dad...he'll probably start feeling it more. And he just needs to decide what and how to feel for himself.

so today, I had to get funeral clothes....because i don't own any black dresses or nice shoes since the Closet Purge(tm) so. :C

also have to book a hotel because bun said the one thing he did NOT want would be to go and stay with his bio mom in houston. So...that's happening.

i have a couple of hotels picked out pretty close to where his grandma lives so he can pick one out. we'll bring the switch and some of these have kitchens so maybe I can cook something. idk. he tried my omurice yesterday and loved it...so. uwu

idk. I'm watching Game Grumps play Hollow Knight...finally...and eating some halloween candy....and moseying about my morning. uwu i'm okay. My feelings are confused and not attached to my brain currently so tHiS sOuNdS LiKe A jOb 4 ~THERAPY~

I think 2020 has just been the year for self-medicating tbh

yep. 2020 is the year where I have found the cord that connect Brain to Feelings and cut it with scissors uwu

same

between the actual physical state of the planet, politics, and hatred among people in general.........i just want to Exist. In a box. In the woods. Far away.

I used to be anxious about everything and then one day my brain was like "y'know what there's too much here, fuck it"

My condolences on his loss.

pillowtalkative RIGHT one day your brain just said "NO. I HAVE NO SPOONS AND I AM TIRED, CUT THE CORD"

EchoDoctor ty, sweet friend. He's doing okay. I think he's more stressed about what to wear, honestly.

his dad asked him to be a pall bearer (I......I hope I spelled that right????) and I asked him if he needed to wear anything specific

and now he's trying to figure it out. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO HELP HIM

pall bearers usually only have to wear the usual suit and stuff, it's not a special uniform but Y'ALL GOT THIS, BEING THERE FOR EACH OTHER and if you end up having just like
excess worry energy... maybe take that on a hike on a trail or something??

a productive and cathartic way to work it out without it leaking on the bun since he's... you know. right now he is okay.

yeah. uwu i keep my mind busy most of the time to not have Big Nervous Energy.

gonna eat lunch here in a minute and then maybe take a walk and go to the store soon uwub

v smart