I've been asleep for three and a half hours.

I just farted so loud that I woke myself up wide-awake and am moderately certain something blew up nearby.

(Nothing blew up nearby. It was just a really powerful fart...)

And now I can't get back to sleep.

You may all laugh.

< Is really 12 so this if funny AF to me

Let me tell you a story

One time I was on the phone with some business and I can't remember what it was but it was an automated phone system

and I farted so loud it triggered the automated system respone

I fucking died the rest of the day over that