i feel like i have a million things to say about it but it's all hard to describe

then i immediately watched Dark Souls 3 is Thinking of Ending Things this video and i just

man

charlie kaufman tho

god I really enjoyed it

it was fucked up in like, exactly the way I enjoy things to be fucked up

right?

like the fucking wild thing is that like

you don't fully pick up on it while you're watching it, i guess maybe unless you'd already read the book or were just super attentive? you know stuff is wrong you know everything is lonely and bleak but it feels like you're only peeking below the surface

it's not until you think more about it that you realize. it's a really perfect example of fridge horror

I went into it knowing a liiittle bit, because I actually watched it for an event at Deerington and got a little obsessed

But man even knowing some of the twists it was STILL a wild ride

There's one part like really early on where she looks directly into the camera as she recites part of a poem and it fucked me up so much like. I love movies where you can read really hard into every shot

like i picked up on "this is a constructed reality, this is a story that someone is telling" and like i sort of almost expected the revelation at the end to be like "oh jake has some kind of ability or power over reality and this is gonna be a commentary on like, a creator's power over their creations" but i know charlie kaufman's work well enough to like

know that that would be a bit too on the nose and maybe derivative?

i watched jacob geller's video immediately afterward and then i was like oh SHIT, THAT'S what was going on

jacob draws a comparison between like....suicidality and the slow decay of a video game world that's forced to continue long after it should have been allowed to die and how that grinds things down

and that made me think like, and this is kinda super personal but like....

when you're a creative person, and you're having thoughts like that, like you have a low point or it's an ongoing thing or whatever it is

there are worlds inside you that will completely disappear when you die?

and not just creative people but just like, people, how people just have just. thoughts and daydreams and fantasies and just whole worlds in their heads

and how that disappears when they die, and what does that mean for that world? for the people in it?

like, damn

Right?? I thought about that a lot too

it's a deeply melancholy movie and it's incredible

what if the characters you've created, or the whole worlds you've created, what if they want to live?

when you're in that mindset and debating with yourself, the sorta like...characterization you give to your own inner voices, the ones that try to talk you into it or out of it, the idea of them being manifested as real people?

in the form of the young woman and the girl at the ice cream place

because he's thinking about it, he hasn't made his mind up yet. the people in his mind are trying to talk him into it, or out of it

that's just so fuckin

neat

idek man

it's so neat

and I love how it characterizes daydreams but makes it spooky without the context? Like

I've definitely done the thing where I daydreamed something again but just like tweaked a couple of things here and there

lil edits, maybe it'll work better this way

and how sometimes you just sort of

how to put it

sometimes you stumble on stuff you didn't actually want to think about and you need a minute

(lol I call it touching the hot mind stove and treat it as the opposite of putting something on the back burner)

(touching the hot mind stove is when you're minding your own business and you metaphorically put your hand on the burner by accident and now your burnt hand is all you can think about)

also I super need to watch this video

yes god that's so real

the thought becomes intrusive

like i think that's why we get the young woman's thoughts so audibly and why character jake can hear them. her thoughts are his intrusive thoughts, and the part of him that still wants to live doesn't want to hear them

y e s