Lawrence: is married. Is not in an open relationship.

Is a literal sex bot how could you even compare?

Remaining human and mortal: a deal breaker in his opinion.

Primarily attracted to Ed Harrises.

Some people only want one thing......... Death

Alcoholic

If you don't have a horse don't come knocking

Deep seated fear of change.

Abner: has the mommiest of all mommy issues

A super virgin

Has did some murder

objection, still cute

Has an inter-dimensional virus that causes frequently deadly puking

Do the dots also come out of his dick?

The lowest self esteem.

How to choose....

standing by abner

Bowl cut.

we all have room for improvement

You will wake up to this.

I call this look: cystic acne Christmas

aaaaahahahahaha

Don't need to put up lights this year, just stick Abner on the lawn

see, perks

He will cry the whole time though

it'll spook away carolers!

Could also attract bullies. As American Horror story has taught us: the real monsters are children.

true, angry ginger twins will throw bang snaps at him
but you overcome!! probably terribly

Maybe evil Santa will intervene

fuck yeah

Maybe a tiny violinist will tell him he's untalented and might as well disappear because no one would miss him

no
or at least highly unprobable