Accidentally met him tdy
I was planning to ask him out the day before my birthday just to get this thing solved
Wow but I saw him, much earlier than I expected.
And I thought I’d be distracted, or sad, or nervous but I didn’t

I walked to him and asked him to stay for awhile and have a talk.

I’m happy that I got the courage to be the ‘bigger’ person in this. And we talked. And surprisingly he still haven’t made up his mind. Like he didn’t want to make the decision. He wanted me to make that decision.
I knew I did him wrong in the past, so did he. We never know how to strike a balance and apparently, he’s the worse communicator than I am.

I gave him a hug at the end and told him let’s be friends and don’t be so awkward. I wanna normalise our relationship. And, to be honest, I knew that that’s really the end. All the ‘let’s see’, are just for show.

Just like what he said, things won’t turn out differently. If you love someone so much, you’ll be willing to change, to adopt. I won’t say he don’t like me, but he just don’t like me enough to prioritise me over other things in his life.

Sad? Maybe a little bit. I’m relieved. I felt the weight on my heart lifted, and that’s really a sign for me to finally move on for real. Cut all my hopes and expectations.

It’s good cuz at least I can define my position. I can say hello when I bump into him, or his friends, without being awkward. Don’t think I will find him or text him ever again.

Finally marks the end of this little bumpy ride, and welcome a new chapter of my life.
A very good birthday gift for myself.

Then the second birthday gift for myself is I’m getting my Ollie! With the help of some experts seems like I’m heading to the right direction!

Everything’s getting better.
I need to love myself a little bit more. Be kind, be brave, be open-minded, be honest.
Kind to all the people around me.
Brave enough to let go of toxicity in my life.
Open to new things, respect different life choices and life style

Honest, especially to someone who’s important to me. Most importantly, to myself. What I want, what I don’t want, my emotion... take it all in don’t shut the door just bec it seems unbearable. The only way to heal is to accept, take the time to grief, and let go.

I hold no grudge to the past. All my life I’ve been lucky. Never could I recall meeting someone with maliciousnesses and try to jeopardise me. I’ve always been surrounded by good people, which I’m grateful for.

Remember I’m being loved. And the one right thing to repay them is to take all the love and become stronger, happier, and to give back to everyone I love.