not in a creepy stalker way or anything

just like a "oops I dropped something oh no groceries are everywhere OH NO I will talk to myself as I collect my things and as I look up oh hi it's you walking your dog please don't judge me"

like it would be a meet cute except we never interact beyond awkward cordial smiles and MY SHAME

put up a sign that says no judgment zone

came home and parked at a weird angle, take ten tries to fix my position, notice THE NEIGHBOR and feel shame instead of keeping my foot on the brake, oops scraped my bumper IN FRONT OF THE NEIGHBOR

oh no

the first time I met him I was dragging some furniture home after it was left at the wrong address so it was like me huffing and wrestling this big 90-pound box down the block

I stopped for a sec to adjust my grip and change my bearings and it happened to be in front of his door

and so he comes home and just like "..... :| Do. You need help."

and I was like AHAHAHAHA NO IT'S FINE I'M FINE I GOT THIS /wrestles with box that I suddenly cannot move

I don't know his name but ALWAYS SHAME

me, forever trapped in the first act of a romcom that never moves to act 2

What can we do to advance the story?

LOL I mean he's married and I am generally not attracted to men so IT WOULD BE A WEIRD STORY TO ADVANCE

I could just do for an end to THE SHAME

just become fantastic awkward bros

I need a third wheel so I have a reason to make introductions

Or we could figure out a way for him to embarrass himself in front of you and make the shame equal?

kalfjsal

this is amazing

Well after witnessing all this he should know that this is just your baseline.

oh no update D:

I finally went back outside to check on the damage I did to my car today while being Stupid

and it is a whole lot of scratch

like more than the little "oh I'll just wipe it down" I thought it was going to be

it looks expensive D:

so I'll probably have to reach out to the body shop I went to the last time my stupidity was Expensive and see if it's worth the energy to fix

(oh no wait the last time I was there it was because I got rear ended. That one wasn't my fault! ....for once

That is me and the neighbors teenaged kid. She witnessed me sliding down the drive way on my ass last year...she seen the hose break/spraying every where while I try to contain it...then got bit by a snake...

it's awful to be so Seen by someone who doesn't know you well enough to forgive you for your stupidity

oh hey just went to the body shop and was like "DO I NEED TO LEAVE MY CHILD WITH YOU T_T" and got the full ok

little scrape on a part of the car that isn't metal, no chance of rust

cosmetic damage only T_T

so now it's back down to "oops embarrassed" and not "embarrassed and broke"