like that's good GM advice but also good life advice

shikki frequently calls me out on my habit of making myself into a pretzel trying to make sure people around me are having a good time until I become the person having the least amount of fun

like this isn't even a Penance thing this is a life thing for me awareness is the key to breaking bad habits!

Okay but speaking of Penance, are you having a good time?

You deserve to have a good time in all things, bb.

oh gosh that is a loaded question with a long answer

Overall, absolutely. Like there are the occasional hiccups and interpersonal issues, but you'll find those in any community. But Penance has been my rp home since it opened and there hasn't been a moment when I regretted the choice.

I came to penance after a stint in a game with a really toxic player environment and the space Chi curated was very like. "everyone is welcome and I will accept ideas and interaction from all" and that did a lot to help me heal

and tbh when I have had conflicts in penance it's usually coming from a place of like. "I WILL SET EVERYTHING ON FIRE RATHER THAN LET THAT TOXICITY HAPPEN AGAIN"

but that's also where I lack balance because sometimes when I'm like "EVERYONE CAN PLAY OR NO ONE PLAYS" I'll nix a thing I was excited about

there's different ways to have fun and I think the fun I prioritize is knowing that the fun element is fun for more than just me

sliding in to say i will thank you forever for getting me out of that toxic environment too

what no way thank YOU for keeping the gaslighting at bay

it meant so much just to have someone right there like "no you're not crazy I can't believe this is happening either"

i do what i can okay

You deserve all the fun things.

I'm just hypersensitive to certain common player behaviors

IT'S OKAY we learn we grow