I’ve been telling myself to look for fact instead of overanalysing and prospecting based on some trivial stuffs. It was pretty hard to do so when you get too close with someone. And all you can do is picking up small pieces and guess

But that ‘heart to heart’ talk he and I had actually clear my head. After having like a more intimate relationship, I do know that I’m more attached. As what I said, you can’t see the whole picture when you get too close. I told him all the little details about my unresolved issues and he showed his concern, which I appreciated.

I really do appreciate honesty and communication

At the same time, I feel the pressure. And I almost feel like I’m getting back to that ‘pleasing’ phase. Luckily I hold back and I decided to remind myself not to do that.

Honestly speaking I don’t feel happy or comfortable after having that talk coz I feel the pressure and I feel like his attitude changes.

Do I regret for having that talk tho? Not really. Because of this uncomfortable feeling I’m going through right now, I get to step back and keep my mind straight. If I constantly be around him, I wouldn’t hv the chance to focus on myself. Self love and self confidence is something I need to work on. Well aware of that.

My insecurities on myself probably originated from my relationships. I guess that can explain why if I’m around him it’s harder to focus on myself. I tend to shift my focus to him and try to impress/ please him by doing what he like. Then I’d just making the same mistakes all over again.

What I need to do is to set a boundary for myself and hold it. If I don’t feel comfortable meeting anyone then don’t. If I want to do something, then do it. I want to make it work. I want him and I can really become ‘us’. To make that happen, I’ll need to be stronger and healthier. Make effort not only to build up a relationship, but most importantly

Me

If it don’t work, accept it.

Successful or not, I’m grateful for meeting him. It’s a lesson for me to practice boundaries setting and uphold what’s important about myself. Understanding my own strength, love who I am, and identifying and accepting my flaws.