so... i've mostly been away while getting ready for, surviving, and then recovering from flying to chicago to spend like 10 days or something with my family who i havent seen in over three years

it was a whole huge thing for many reasons

but i was looking forward to diving hard into counseling afterward, finally getting meds i've been waiting for, looking into how to possibly go through the diagnosis process for another thing...

and I get back to meet with my psych and be told "lololol yeah the whole counseling group (whatever you call it) is abruptly closing down"

the whole thing

out of nowhere

so I'll be losing my psych for my meds, my SUPER AWESOME counselor that I was so happy to finally have, my transmasc therapy group that just got started, and potentially the art group who I've been heavily involved with for 2 years

the board of directors was very suddenly like "lol oops gotta close, mainly for financial reasons" so all these counselors are suddenly losing their jobs and 1200 patients are being cut loose

OH AND very important to this whole thing

the counseling group is for LGBTQ patients only, the vast majority of which are low/no income. it has been a cornerstone of seattle since the late 60's, some of the patients have been going there for 25 years

most of us are there because it's the only haven for us if we have medicaid

some of the folks in my transmasc group were on waiting lists for this place because they literally haven't been able to get in anywhere else. at least this place was willing to put them on a list.

it's unfathomably that this is happening

both my counselors are a wreck

my really awesome one-on-one counselor was like "the doors officially close may 6th, but lmao we apparently can be laid off before then"

so I don't even know how many sessions I have left with her?? same for my transmasc group

the counselor there was like "I'm going to keep this group going as long as I'm humanly able... basically until they come over and pry my computer out of my hands"

for the art group I'm in, you have to be in certain programs because of things like trauma, homelessness, rehab, etc. and this counseling group was the one I'm signed up through... so... I don't know what happens now

this is the group I've done interviews and talks for, the one I did the billboard for, I'm on the DEI committee and the stipend that I get from that is literally my only income...

I'm hoping they can make an exception for me but I don't know

I'm trying not to freak out but it's a losing battle.

/hugs

holy shit

it was fucking tragic being in my transmasc group when they broke the news to the people who didn't know yet

we'd all just gotten to the point where we all kind of went "hello I'm a pile of trauma and afraid to be here how are you" cracked our shells open and started getting attached to each other

since no one was allowed to email patients about the close-down, they had to be told in session, several of them hadn't known yet because they're not in sessions

some because they're on a waiting list, some because this transmasc group was so important that they postponed their normal therapy for a few months due to schedule conflicts

so got to watch them get this news in real-time.

all of us sitting in a zoom meeting for two hours just being heartbroken and trying to process the news

it's like a weird nightmare. it was so hard to get to this point, I'm having a hard time absorbing the fact that all of my support is being cut loose.

I've on day three of a migraine that is either because of this or just there and making it even harder to mentally process anything

so... idk...

everything is such a mess

that's awful, I'm so sorry

thanks

I know I'm an endangered species on plurk these days, but I needed to feel at least a little connected to something so I don't feel so much like I'm spiraling out into space

I'm sorry things are sucking so hard. 😔