just a double take like "did that. did that really?"

"I know you didn't mean it the way it sounded but do I have the energy to talk to you about how you sounded just now"

like is there a name for a microaggression that isn't aggressive

You just have to say that you're fine (ORIGINAL)current status

technically a microaggression by definition is unintended /socialworker

true but like

I guess it's a matter of figuring out when it's worth the energy of doing more than just rolling your eyes about it

like. I COULD do more than cutting eyes, but do I have the energy to deal with the conversation that comes after?

(no, I do not)

this is why I need a WoC huddle

"guys what do you think of this. IS IT WORTH THE EFFORT"

you know what this situation needs this situation needs the very specific superpower of being able to summon a random bystander who goes "i'm sorry, but I couldn't help but overhear-" and then flawlessly explains the exact issue with the comment before leaving so

you get the satisfaction of hearing your piece said but also get to decide depending on the "offending" person's reaction whether you want to casually agree with the bystander or abstain

the downside of that is whether or not it's worth it is highly subjective i bet lmao. maybe have a discord for huddles?

fishrepairs: man ngl I have a designated white man friend offline who does exactly that for me

he's tall and well-spoken and sometimes when someone is trying to slam a door in my face, I tell my white friend what's happening and he says exactly the same thing I did but gets an "oh, come right this way"

and he is happy to use his privilege to benefit me

oh my god i love it

i mean i also hate it but i love it

and yes I do imagine you carrying this person around in a pokeball and releasing him dramatically my brain is useful thanks for asking

harder to navigate that in an online situation where people have all studied critical race theory and should already know all these things

fishrepairs:

o no that emote is adorable

I’m married to a white man and he frequently uses his white guy powers for good. He’s not cis so they occasionally falter but they’re pretty fantastic when available on call

BUT OOF, I bet it is. possibly moreso because you couldn't even mitigate in Best Non-Confrontational Tone Of Voice (TM) if you wanted to bother

online spaces are harder!

I'm talking to someone about this in a more private space and we started reflecting on the privilege of being able to walk into a space and not have a single person ask you where you're from

and even now I say that knowing that it will be read as a commentary about immigration or the contrast of someone brown among a room full of white people, not realizing how often it happens among communities of color

there's just so much to unpack and it feels like a violation to see someone just leaving the suitcase closed

idk I don't want to be melodramatic about it either

It sounds very tough to talk about or explain, especially because it's nothing dramatic or obvious, just a small thing with A Lot To Unpack

yeah just like "you said this thing and don't appreciate the MILES OF SENSITIVE ISSUES you've just trampled over"

and you're going to continue not realizing that's a sensitive issue because I'm Too Tired

I guess that's where the "stay in your lane" shorthand came from?

but sometimes that gets used to inorganically shut down conversations that should be had for other reasons

so much energy I just don't have. And especially can't afford the mental frustration of having it shut down when, truly, miles and miles of baggage here.

yeah. yeah, there's a lot of people who'll jump at the chance to shut down someone who speaks up in these spaces

like there's a whole circle of concerned white women in dwrp who said some pretty nasty things to me when I didn't agree with their reductive takes and like. there was a time in my life when I was willing to have those fights? but now I just go into these situations like "am I willing to let this become the next three hours of my life if it turns combative"

or worse, if I say something and then the person I'm trying to gently nudge overreacts and is like "SUDDEN MOOD DROP SORRY INTERNET IM GOING TO GO DIVE INTO MY DEPRESSION NOW"

https://files.eric.ed.go...

^ very that

Pretty much.

so as someone who has studied this and has tried to unpack the problem of race as it relates to white women's tears, I feel like there's a kind of responsibility there

if not me, then who should navigate the minefield? but also, I'm not always in the mood to work through other people's white fragility

all of this is a heck of a mood

so instead I just ruminate casually for hours

and the person who said the thing continues not thinking that anything hurtful was said

guardblade: hello regular consultant in my unofficial brown person huddle

as a white person I'd want to know bc I try to educate myself but sometimes I'm sure I accidentally step in it, but I also am chill enough to go "oh no I'm sorry" and let that be it.

that's always the risk, right? 50/50 shot depending on the person, the situation, the person's mood relative to the alignment of the stars...

the thing that spawned this plurk was something that someone had already put some time and emotional energy into

ugh yeah not likely to go great unless you're super close to them tbh

yeah

and maybe part of this was lowkey me hoping that someone who had just been talking about a race thing might look at their timeline and go "oh my ethnic friend is upset about this thing I was just talking about" and make the connections? which in itself is probably avoidant behavior

like communication should be direct, right? have a problem with that person, communicate with that person, problem solved

but these conversations don't happen in a vacuum and it takes a lot of vulnerability to tell someone "hey, today you said some hurtful things and I don't think you understand the weight of it"

just quietly stews in my own feelings I guess

I know this feeling

i wish i'd seen this sooner, but i am here for any talkings if you need.