"How fortunate for you that the university's "chosen to hire you,
"您真幸運學校雇了你做系主任"
despite the fact "that you've done no original research in 25 years,
"儘管您25年來都沒做出什麼原創研究"
"and instead have written a series of popular books "
"而只是出版了一系列暢銷書"

that reduce the great concepts of science "to a series of anecdotes,
"將科學的偉大概念降格為一系列奇聞軼事"
"each one dumbed down to accommodate the duration
"每則故事都簡單到
of an average bowel movement.
能在一次腸部運動的時間內看完" (就是廁所讀物)

You know there only eight consonants in the hawaiian language?
你知道夏威夷語裡只有8個輔音嗎?

In my defense,I prefaced that by saying,"with all due respect."
但我之前說了"恕我直言"

I don't want my job back.
我不想回去工作
I've spent the past three and a half years staring at grease boards full of equations.
過去三年半時間我都在瞪著寫滿方程式的板子上
Before that,I spent four years working on my thesis.
在那之前我花了四年時間寫論文
Before that,I was in college,and before that,I was in the fifth grade.
在那之前我在上大學而在大學之前我在上5年級

This is my first d oayff in decades and I'm going to savor it.
這是我十幾年來第一次休息我要好好享受

How come you didn't go into work today?
你今天怎麼沒去上班?
I'm taking a sabbatical because I won't kowtow to mediocre minds.
我在休假因為我不願向平庸之流屈服
So you got canned,huh?
你給開除了?

You know,I always say when one door closes,another one opens.
我相信一扇門關上了總會有另外一扇門打開的
No,it doesn'T.
不不是的
Not unless the two doors are connected by relays
除非兩扇門用繼電器連接
or there are motion sensors involved.
而且還裝有傳感器
or if the first door closing creates a change of air pressure
或者一扇門關上時產生的空氣
that acts upon the second door. 壓力作用於第二扇門引致...

Oh,the thing about tomatoesand I think you'll really enjoy this
關於番茄的事我覺得你肯定會喜歡的
is they're shelved with the vegetables,but they're technically a fruit.
它們給擺在蔬菜欄裡但事實上卻是一種水果
- Oh,interesting. - Isn't it?
- 真有意思- 是吧
No,I mean what you find enjoyable.
不我指的是你覺得有趣的事情很有趣

Well,there's some value to taking a multivitamin,
服用維生素劑雖然有一定好處
but the human body can only absorb so much.
但人體能吸收的量是有限的
What you're buying here are the ingredients for very expensive urine.
你買這麼多就是買的一堆昂貴的尿液原料
Well,maybe that's what I was going for.
也許那就是我的目的呢
Well,then you'll want some manganese.
那你可以買錳
Well,that was fun.

I remember one summer when he was 13,
我記得他13歲時的夏天
he built a small nuclear reactor in the shed
他在小屋裡做了一個小型原子反應堆
and told everybody he was gonna provide free electricity for the whole town.
然後跟大家說他會為全鎮人提供免費電力
Well,the only problem was,he had no what you call "fissionable" materials.
問題是他沒有你們所說的"可裂變物質"
Anyway,when he went on the internets to get some,

Anyway,when he went on the internets to get some,
當他試圖上網採購時
a man from the government came by and sat him down real gentle,
一個政府官員來訪很溫柔地讓他坐下
and told him it's against the law to have yellow-cake uranium in a shed.
告訴他私人持有鈾精礦是違法的

Locked himself in his room and built a sonic death ray.
把自己鎖在屋裡做了個音速死亡放射線儀
A death ray?
死亡放射線?
Well,that's what he called it.
他是這麼叫的
Didn't even slow down the neighbor kids.
那玩意都阻止不了隔壁的小孩
It pissed our dog off to no end.
倒是讓家裡的狗折騰個沒完