Not dropping or anything like that, but I have been struggling a very big, ongoing way that I feel like I need to address/explain at least a little

I don’t think I need to explain all the details of everything that has been going on, the people who need to know already know and for everyone else, the point of this isn’t for me to like, point fingers or call anyone out

And i did a plurk cut tonite and formally removed the player in question, which i had debated for a long time because i don’t usually remove people while we are still in a game, but I realised all i was maintaining was an uncomfortable environment for myself on plurk

ugh, i'm sorry. sounds like this sucks all round.

at the end of the day, your comfort is key!!

Em is going to roll her eyes at my descriptor but its the New Englander in me that makes me just like, kind of go into lock down mode when I’m dealing with stressors. Lock down and like, withdraw from conflict and carry on as if nothing has happened

i've been there before. it's not easy to make that kind of decision, but sometimes you just have to

I won't roll my eyes, that's literally exactly what you do. it's your connecticut blood.

i'm so proud of you for talking about this btw ;;

Taking a month long hiatus was partially to like, emotionally reset and in doing so i haven gotten really over-protective of my own boundaries and probably OVER isolated myself from people which

have made it really hard to get back into things now that I WANT to

Because I’m sure to a lot of people who were not like, people I talk to a lot or unaware of things going on, it seemed like i was just kind of pulling back from the game/CR/etc which was like

I WAS doing, but not because of the people in game, and more, an unintended consequence of stuff going on OOC, mostly with One player

you deserve to have your feelings witnessed by others, you are under no obligation to force yourself to get over things when someone makes you feel the way that person made you feel

i don't mean to laugh but as someone also with connecticut blood ...... this is too real

LMAO NO, it’s so real though. Connecticut things.....

LIKE ON A MORE SERIOUS NOTE i'm glad you're curating your own space. i feel like, sometimes in dwrp, when you come into friction with another player it can be sort of hard to firmly set down boundaries and find a good balance with them if that makes sense?

i might just be projecting bc i've definitely had mistreatment from someone in the past that made me go "well i'll just ignore it and get over it bc maybe it's not a big deal" when it absolutely is a big deal. anything that makes you uncomfortable is a Big Deal

NO, YEAH, that’s it exactly. I just like, had a lot of boundaries pushed and a lot of like, overly-permissive kindness thrown back in my face and i think trying to force myself back into normalcy without reaching out or explaining to people that things were not normal or good for awhile was not the way to go

I also was very like “this is not a big deal” until i had people outside it be like, yeah no, this sucks

nereids: absolutely this. and the stuff you had to deal with was honestly so gross. and i can validate that i saw all of it with my own eyes 'cuz surprise we live in the same house

i had no idea this was going on but it's good to hear you've taken steps to remove a cause of trouble for you. i want good things for you!

blisteringly angry 24/7

it WAS a big deal

Absolutely, at the end of the day no matter the level of seriousness, everyone’s entitled to limiting their cr, unfriending/limiting their friend list, etc!!! As long as nobody is being actually nasty and doing anything that could be bullying or shitty game behaviors in retaliation or anything like that, healthy distance is a good thing

absolutely, but i do feel the need to say: it absolutely was pretty serious

sorry i don't mean to talk over you sam i just am in my feelings LMAO

And like, it’s DEALT with now, the past month or two has been me trying to like....sweep it under the rug while keeping the person in question around, so this was my last step in actually removing the person from my personal spaces. Which i probably should have done! I just didn’t want to stir up any drama or anything.

so happy for you that youre taking more steps to reinstate your peace and enjoyment in a hobby and space that you fully deserve to be a part of

Oh yes! I meant more like “there is no “less serious” or “more serious” reason needed; but also, I know enough to know it was pretty serious

I KNOW I AM NOT STIRRING UP DRAMA BY SIMPLY CURATING MY PLURK, but you know what i mean. Feelings are gonna be feelings

(I was speaking generally up there)

i totally sympathize with this bc it ALSO took me having other people go "yeah no this is a garbage way to act toward someone". sometimes you need the outside perspective of someone shaking you to make you go, "wait no this is not okay and i will not stand for it" so i'm very proud you took that step!! it goes a long way toward just. giving yourself a safe

(no no i know, i just had to say it 'cuz i'm crazy)

space. and allowing yourself to process that yeah, it was crap.

Yeah! And ironically i usually am all in on like! Remove people for ANY reason! But once it’s actually like, for a reason i was like ‘wellll i dont want to make it MORE of a thing’

Which is silly

let's be real, dwrp is supposed to be a fun hobby and add positive vibes to life, the moment something or someone is interfering with that, steps need to be taken, even if it might hurt someone's feelings. but we're all supposed to be adults here, so yeah i fully support people doing what they need to do in order to create a safe space

some people can get pretty wild over simple things like being removed from plurk so honestly, i understand LMAO you never know how people will react. but their feelings about it are also not your problem, you know?

^^^

oh man, i'm sorry to hear rough stuff was going on

i think it was the kind of thing that you're not actually used to dealing with, because you're such a low drama person and because it happened really slowly over a long period of time

and you didn't realize how deep in you were until it was too late

Yeah, you definitely need outside perspective. I was having all these problems almost entirely in PM spaces which makes it very hard to like, recognize because there’s no one else in that space to react

I definitely have had moments where I probably should have cut off and unfriended some folks in my rp career, you’re being much healthier than past me I gotta take a page from you. But you’re doing the best thing for yourself and I’m glad you can get that distance

and if someone is stomping all over your boundaries it can also feel harder to comfortably separate that without feeling anxiety about them being ...... more weird about things

nereids: yes this right here

yeah, it’s a tough skill to curate!

and one i am still not great at, but getting better, mostly by following the examples of people around me

And yeah, I suspect this person is nooooot going to take me removing them well, based on past behavior.

But I’ve also locked down my plurk to anyone who isn’t a friend and that’s no longer my problem

YEAH

hell yeah

if that's the case then it's probably a good sign you're making the right decision tbh

yeah, LMAo, red flag

yeah

whenever anyone acts up in dwrp and starts being really weird and/or toxic, i just think to myself:Why you heff to be mad? (Original)

oof

oh no i am sorry to hear stressful things were happening but glad to see you're taking steps to help yourself!!!

i'm glad you've taken the steps to make your space feel safe/comfortable again

LMAO

WHY YOU HEFF TO BE MAD

this is making me so happy seeing everyone in here ;;; sam gave me permission to go off the leash in here so i'm gonna embarrass her

wildly off topic but its so jarring to see you in blue

LMAO I NEEDED A CHANGE

Em called me out on it too, you’d think I’d peeled my skin off or something

NO I GET IT, CUT THAT HAIR OFF, GIVE YOURSELF THOSE BANGS

but i know first hand how much she's been missing all y'all and i have been saying how anyone would be a fool to not immediately want you back into their RP social sphere

and it's good to see you are all not fools

LMAO

derkins: LMAO THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT IS

i may be just a ghost in here but i still miss y'all okay

I thought about changing my name/image too but, I’ve never changed my icon ever and that really would be fucked up

metalheads: Listen, i just did a plurk cut and cut a lot of people just because we’re not in games together anyone, but i kept you around

I really do miss all of you a lot, and I a lot of why i wanted to plurk about this, even in extreme vagueries was to rip the bandaid off and make it clear that like

/reaches for

bloodle boy ...

My enjoyment and love for this game and the people in it is VERY great, and being out of touch with it and feeling isolated from everyone has been REALLY DIFFICULT

I'm glad you've given yourself that space to feel better and safe in your own spaces, it's important and good for you to curate your space and who you deal with within it

that didnt send when i wanted it to so now its just wildly out of context

burudo boi

chiming in to add to the chorus here but it really is so good to see you around and I'm so glad you were able to take that step and put yourself first because that is not an easy situation to be in.

Like, the very challenging thing about all of this was that, part of me was like “I COULD JUST DROP THE GAME AND BE FREE OF ALL THIS”

Yeah!!! It will feel a lot better, honestly. I’ve had similar issues where me and another player just did not click and as stressful as it can be, knowing it’s been handled and you’ve drawn your line is a relief. And if the other player is a decent person they will have to appreciate the request or unfriending and move on.

*feel better to cut ties that is

But i genuinely love the game a lot and did not want to drop because someone else was giving me problems

Not to get sappy but you continue to be such an inspiration in all sorts of little ways and seeing you in better spirits means a lot

YEAH, like, we do not really talk and we do not thread anymore so, while i am sure they will take the defriend badly in the short term, it’s not really changing anything in the long term.

If anything blows up out of this into bullying or toxic behaviors, I wouldn’t hesitate to reach out to our mods, they’re very good folks and have always been chill with me

take care of yourself first and foremost always!! it took me a long time to learn this, where it took me years to cut off someone from my plurk because i was frightened of, idek, the repercussions?? but it was such a weight lifted when i did it and the world didn't stop and my mh improved from there, so always make sure to look out for you

talianora: thank you, that’s really sweet of you to say

I think (in my experience anyway) the way the game is structured it makes it pretty doable to skirt around writers you just don't jive with

simpledog: YEAH, and the mods are like....aware. I did talk to them awhile ago, ostensibly about something that was a real game question, but also like, to have it on record.

SORRY I AM NOT RESPONDING TO EVERYONE INDIVIDUALLY, you’re all being so fucking sweet and understanding

As a blanket statement, I want everyone to know how much I like playing with ya’ll and hopefully this will be a big step forward for me feeling like i can be normal on main again

aww i am sorry to hear that happened and you were dealing with something like that! ;; but i am glad to see you're around and that you've been able to curate your safe and hopefully feel more comfortable with things in game moving forward!

it's also important to have gone, i love what i have here in game, and there's good ways to navigate this which are less cut and dry than drop and walk away, but worthwhile! since keeping yourself separate from unwanted situations is important and doable. cheers you on!

simpledog: trust, the mods were informed months ago

LMAO sam beat me

And if I’ve made anyone feel ignored, or like I’ve been disinterested, or just not very present, I promise it was not intentional and NOT YOU. If you can see this plurk, you’re someone i would like to continue being around and i regret that all this has driven a wedge between myself and the game

PLURK IS HIDING RESPONSES FROM ME

i hate being like 'i'm not gonna say what happened 'cuz it's genuinely not what's important right now, but trust me it was BAD' over and over again

extreme vagueries LMAO

but it was bad! and shitty! and i'm so proud of you for putting it behind you, sam

GOOD, having stuff on record is so important. I keep pretty much any serious conversations saved in email some little folder, though it’s blissfully a very small folder for how long I’ve been rping

and really letting yourself acknowledge that it was bad is important

I do not often click with DWRP games is the think so like, dropping and moving on to another game isn’t really much of an option. Ximilia just hits all the right notes for me

Also no worries about being MIA because I was MIA for a hot minute too LMFAO. You know I’m excited to get to do more with you again bud

the validation of hearing no, this isn't okay, and then being able to go it's okay that i didn't see it sooner, and it's done, and it doesn't get to define what else i enjoy or appreciate here, that's very hard and good work to do

I already voiced my support on discord but I am sending you so much love on here as well

No, it was quite Bad, I think that is definitely worth acknowledging. Most people in this silly lil hobby are fundamentally harmless people! I think i gave this person WAY more benefit of the doubt than they deserved because most people here are good, well-meaning people

Nthing the 'please don't worry about being MIA' that everyone else has said

wanting to extend people benefit of the doubt is a great instinct and it fucking sucks when it backfires so hard. it sucks to take people at their word when their word is whatever they need to say to keep you on the leash.

i join the chorus of voices of being so excited for this rectangle's triumphant return

Dusting him off to return to the sandbox

We are all here to give you some good RP food and help with getting that fun back anything you ever wanna do, anything you DONT wanna do, you can always hit me up and I’ll be ready to party

(As in anything you don’t wanna do we won’t do, LMFAO, my ability to write drops 40% when I have to type on phones)

LMAO no i got your meaning kdjlddkgj

And i appreciate it

I appreciate you all so much

SAMESIES BACK

RP should be fun and chill even during serious storylines or negative CR or whatever!!! WE WILL ALL BE IN THE CHILL ZONE. Having dates, slaying dragons, questioning hair styles...

QUESTIONING HAIR STYLES

listen it’s ok you’re a teen

You’re allowed to have ... interest... ing choices

we appreciate you back

Proud of u buddddd

I'm sorry you were dealing with that! I'm glad you're taking care of yourself though. You deserve to have a fun, stress free game

thank you....I'm really feeling optimistic for the first time in a long time about how things are going to go

LIKE. I dont think it will be back to normal 100% overnight but

even just talking about it like this has lifted some weight that way hanging over me I think

oh man, I am so sorry you were going through this and reading your responses to this plurk just really brought back my own horrible experiences with a player. Unlike you, who are being incredibly brave to even talk about this, I just stayed in a very boundary-stomping, esteem-killing, isolating experience for more than half a year before seriously

considering to just fucking delete everything. Not just drop a game, but go full scorched earth and vanish off the face of the internet under this name. It was horrible, I still don't talk about it and it has shaped me far too much in how I rp and how I choose to engage with people ooc.

You are amazing, and I love that you've found a way to set your own boundaries and stick to them. You deserve a place to play and be happy in that place.

especially that part about everything happening in PMs (or on discord) and how easily that can just bring that 'am I just overreacting / being petty / being mean/ misunderstanding' feeling

I'm so sorry you've also dealt with stuff like this...it is "nice" at least to know other people understand and can relate to it. I owe a lot of my ability to lay down my boundaries to having people kind of tell me to do so

but it would have been very easy for things to continue indefinitely if I hadnt talked to those people or they hadnt had their own experiences!

I appreciate hearing your own experiences and I hope you are doing better now

the "am I overreacting / being mean/petty " thing is soooo real too like

not just like "it's no big deal" but also wanting to be kind to someone else and give them the benefit of the doubt or feeling genuinely guilty at having to draw boundaries because you dont want to hurt them

it's a very hard thing to emotionally process!

almost impossible without an outside POV

It was rough, I am still not over it and the only reason I'm still here playing, is because another player noticed something was WAY off and helped me see it. I will never not be super grateful to those people who helped me, when I was sure I was just losing my mind or 'overreacting' or being ungrateful. I hate that feeling of reading your plurk and going

'oh no, not another one' because you did not deserve this, and you are valid and right to have your own boundaries and have those respected.

cheering for u !!! i hope. or well i KNOW you are going to have a better time with this more firmly behind you

i am so glad you’re curating your space and drawing your boundaries. it’s sometimes so hard to do so for all the reasons you mentioned ;; and hopefully you feel better moving forward!!!

And nothing of value was lost...

But fr, good for you. Your boundaries matter and I'm so glad you're holding them!

I'm glad you're comfortable in Ximilia again, and I'm echoing everyone's sentiments here

just joins the chorus of ppl being proud of you for doing what is best for you and your comfort and mental health and well-being

no one is ever entitled to you, your time or cr with you, and if someone gets upset then it is their feelings to deal with, not yours!

just know if things ever change or get worse or you literally just change your mind you know you can always come to us

Yeah you're definitely not alone in the experience and it's always rough to navigate and deal with on any level.
but im glad you talked about it and it helped and we all you

CONGRATS AGAIN SAM HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!

Man, go heckin you for putting that boundary up. Fuck 'em tbh

celen: derkins: thank you guys for being so nice and supportive. This game having such a wonderful, attentive mod team behind it is really a HUGE factor in why i love it so much

And thank you to everyone else saying kind things here too, I really appreciate it and can’t wait to jsut get back to playing with you all

Cracking this plurk open again because I do not want to make a new one, but also feel free to mute it PLEASE

THINGS ARE LOOKING UP IN A LOT OF WAYS, in large part to stuff I talked about in this plurk

But I do feel like I’m still struggling a lot to get back into the swing of things, and with feeling disconnected from people in a big way

Take your time. Like, look, I'm STILL extremely skittish and anxious and scared to deep dive and trust and really connect because of something that happened a long time ago. There are up times and down time, and what happened to you is so fresh that it's 100% understandable that it's still like

THANKS....it’s very, like that LMAO

YEAH Tara is right, for real

this shit takes time, that feeling of disconnect and it's hard to reach out. You are wonderful and brave to do it, even if it's hard. To stay and live your best rp life away from the shittiness. I'm still weird about my own experiences, I still do weird things because of it and it was years ago.

Give yourself time, be gentle and forgiving with yourself. You deserve to be listened to, and have your boundaries respected and you are allowed to be weird about things for as long as it takes.

thanks, that's very very true....

I keep beating myself up for not just bouncing back from everything and I wish it was different u_u

I feel like I had so much enthusiasm and easy optimism for the game, and I still DO have that but it feels much, much harder to express it, and that's very frustrating for me!

take your time we will be here when you’re reading to jump in and it’s okay to slowly dip toes in!