quit the master naturalist program

I don't have justification I only have shitty excuses

it happens, man

didn't it turn into poetry instead of field work

but among them are, I'm 48 and compared to 90 percent of the people teaching me, I'm a bby child

IT DID

I skipped out on last Sunday's poetry recap. I literally didn't do a poem I just fuked right on out

ugh yeah when it's not a good fit then it's just not a good fit

sorry it turned into uh... that

it's...idk no blame to the org, I just didn't parse that signing up was 100000% the org and not an actual institution of learning with accredited professors

just Janie with her pet project "interpretation" who went through training to get a badge

ahh

sigh

that said, the last 2 months of pure unadultuarated anehodia maxed out has not helped

oh no naturalist girl scouts

THAT'S IT I had no frame of reference but. yeah. it was in-house like girl scouts

doesn't help that of 13 students, 10 were over the age of 65

of our instructors, 5/6 were over 60

This boy's got a lotta quit in him /southern drawl

NO SHADE TO THE SCOUTS I had a great time as a scout and learned a lot but it was not pro ed

this boy do got a lot of quit in him, ngl

no, I was a girl scout too and it was 99 percent "what is this gendered absolute bullshit" and 1 percent "nature"

I was never a girl scout

oh no yikes. my troops were great

girl scouts was BULLSHIT

and still got this reaction from the girl scouts of ""what is this gendered absolute bullshit"

the boys got to go camping and canoeing. the girls did crafts.

mad props to anyone whose girl scout leaders saw that and went "nah fam we go camping, fuck these crafts"

we need more of that tbh

The things we gender in society are at once alarming and low key hilarious to the point they're running gags in my family

Like pointing out to my father and male cousins that they cannot eat yogurt unless it's surrounded by family against a white background. And us ladies laugh at salads

llmao Psi remind me to tell stories about working at J0ann's and dealing with "can you show me a fabric that is less GIRLY?"

ma'am your cousin's unborn child won't know how blue that fabric is

it's yellw

When I was little my father worked with Russian animators and the American company had to keep telling this animators to not put pink in boy's games

OH GOD

w h a t

And they were like "Why, it's a color and it's like red."

And the Americans had to acknowledge that yes this was incredibly stupid

oh no

no no no

BUT THE MONEY PEOPLE WANT BLUE

My father still laughs at this one while yelling "THEY'RE ALL JUST COLORS"

uggghhhh yeah, our troop did useful things regardless of how gendered. camping, fire building, RECOGNIZING CHERRY WOOD BECAUSE DON'T PUT THAT IN YOUR CAMPFIRE, but also sewing, sanitizing dishes... we did some Very Girly things but we found functional ways to make them not suck like learning 50s history when we did a sock hop

yeah we sure didn't. we made pom-poms and shit

ggghhh

pom-poms? really?

/raises hand/ why don't you put cherry wood on campfires?

I got much better mileage out of the Voyageur Programme and other independent shit

pom-poms. really. out of yarn. put googly eyes on them to make animals

handsoplenty: not sure if it's all cherry wood but our local one releases poisonous smoke

Amazing

....the pom-pom thing. Not the cherrywood thing. TIL about cherry wood in camp fires!

oh the actual answer to cherry wood is that most people burn it green for the smell but that's overall bad. burning any green wood

good for scent, not so much for fuel output. great for smoking, not for "I would like to not die from hypothermia"

I do not know camping tricks at all I am indoorsy.

right it's been a while, it's specifically green cherry wood that still has resin in it. that shit contains cyanide lol

yep

Although despite this I had to teach my friends how to stay warm while camping. we city boston kids

n'aww I''ll dispense all the camping info if anyne asks, I love the outdoors

but when you're talking to ten-year-olds the short version is JUST DON'T

my favorite tales from Voyageur are the experienced Canadian guides taking the shit out of Rockford city kids

ohhh

especially Gerald convincing the city kids that red lilypads explode when you run a canoe over them

fully dry cherry wood is safe but yeah easier for kids to just avoid cherry when making a campfire from branches in the woods

that guy

I loved that guy i hope he's doing well

tbh same with kids up here being told not to use pine wood on fires

still-green pine snaps and sparks in a fire, because of the resin. dry, not so much, but explaining dry vs green to kids, just tell them not to put pine branches on the fire

fast and easy

lmao yeah legit

also Gerald sounds great

Gerald was a badass

full stop, Voyageur Programme was run by the originator of all natural-land-protection policy in Canada. they knew their shit

in the 1960s I mean

nice!!

I should say I am from more like...outskirts of Boston not deep Boston. I am, alas, country enough to find haunted forest videos on Youtube the funniest things ever

when I went in the 90s, it was still very environmentally focused, I think they're still around too

anyway back in my day Gerald was everyone's favorite guide because he was a fucking troll. best Canadian sense of humor ever

the ones that are mostly "City person hears nature sound for first time, thinks it's a demon" (melting ice, foxes, fishers...)

Psi omg I'm loling

I feel that

deeeeeeep in my soul I feel it

anyway anway...Gerald and the lilypads is A Story Yall

for YEARS before I even had him as a guide, we heard about him convincing the city kids of crazy shit. he was legit the singlehanded progenitor of urban legends about escaped mental patients living in the Quetico

you had me at "convinced city kids that red lily pads explode"

I think he actually created Pine Cone Man, the "escaped mental patient" who would drop pine cones on tents in the middle of the night to let you know he was in your area (spoilers it was Gerald)

he convinced the Rockford-based kids in our group that if you ran over red lilypads with an aluminum canoe they would explode, because red stems meant the plants were full of methane

and everyone knew methane + spark = explosion

never minding that an aluminum canoe cannot create a spark without a source of friction, psh details

so we're out on our route and come down from a portage to a river channel CHOKED with red-stemmed lilypads

the Rockford kids FREAKED OUT OMG WE GONNA DIE

those of us with any level of camping experience know this is bullshit, but funny bullshit

cue Gerald trying to re-convince them that it's fine, we're fine, we can put in here and float down the river because um it's raining and rain suppresses the methane

Chaotic Neutral nature guide Gerald

that was his story

he stuck to it

IT WORKED

RIGHT?? Gerald was the epitome of Chaotic Neutral

he also made a mean apple pie out of Bisquick

10/10 would use him as a guide if he's still with the Programme

that said tinylongwing if you want to go canoeing in the Quetico we're looking for a third or fourth

I mean I'm down, in theory, but I don't think I have the time at this point until like... uh

well let's say next year haha

too many existing plans combined with too much to do but I sure do want to do that sometime

heheh right?

I can say from experiene that the first week in August is optimum Canada time, between precambrian lake chill and solar warmth and all that

we just can't go out the two of us alone, either we do 3 with 1 person riding garbage/trading off paddling time, or 4 with 2 canoes

I am not thinkin' good things about Canada right now 8D

lfadhad I know, Canada be fucked rn

(not that I blame them)

yeah August would be great if I wasn't already going camping the last week of July

at some point I have to work and not just vacation

lmao lauren

let's go see loons in person

I wanna!!!

or come visit me and we can see cranes in Horicon it's cool

(or the cranes 1.4 miles from me nesting in a park in the middle of the city, also cool)

I do love me a good crane

Horicon is internationally-reknown

half an hour from me

Aldo Leopold blah blah blah

note, I love Aldo Leopold and his legacy is uncontested. but the master naturalist program wanted me to basically become him after 40 hours of training so um. no?

if I use any of my artistic talents to encourage civilian interest in nature it'll be on my terms thanks