i guess i'm watching this

ah geez this is giving me 90s flashbacks to the street fighter and double dragon movies

im not sure if that's a good thing or not yet

eugh this soundtrack is edgy late oughts trailer park rock

okay so apparently corporations took over the world and the Mishima zaibatsu is just the tekken corporation and they took over america and i guess heihachi is a fascist dictator? Time will tell but that's my understanding so far

i am less than five minute in so far, so.

it's so bad, but it has Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa in it so there's something enjoyable to watch, lol

i mean, from the trailers at least the characters i saw were on model, so that's something

i think the techno-fascist tekken police are wearing kendo armor

the fights also aren't badly done, from what I recall

it holds the distinct... honor? of being one of only about 40 films with a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes though, lol

and they made a prequel too

0%, owch. i mean, it seems a little generic so far but that seems particularly harsh - oh god, really?

i guess this explains why i hadnt heard of it

yeah they made another movie in which they recast Kazuya, brought back Heihachi and Bryan, and used no other characters from the games

zero

unless there are cameos I don't know about

i will never understand why it's so hard to make video game movies

it's not, studios just rarely put the effort in

is kazuya the guy that looks like satan?

or is that supposed to be lee?

like, realtalk? the first Sonic movie is such a basic-ass plot and diverges wildly from the games, but the people making it clearly cared about the franchise and making something fun that fans and general audiences could enjoy. so it worked!

I think that is Kazuya, yeah

aaahh, jackhammers = jacks, okay, i get it

well, jun was okay while it lasted. honestly, this is kinda hammy and weird but no worse than some of the other attempts at tekken movies ive seen so far

kazuya A) being an obedient son and B) having a harem, both do feel really weird

oh god yoshimitsu's in this how are they going to murder my boy

also i can ignore it in the games but they're really just gonna let him rock on up with a sword, huh

i guess raven's ninjutsu mastery is just sittin on a dude beating his face in

Oh yeah there was

again, im halfway through and this isn't terrible

I remember watching I think...Spoony review it back in the day

it's certainly not 0% terrible yet at any rate

how about that one girl with the whale tail low rider pants

forget which character she's supposed to be

Christie?

that's pretty much conservative by how she is in the games

i feel like this would benefit from the character using their signature fighting styles more meaningfully or recognizably. Even the stances at least. Eddie's is obvious enough, sure, but again, Raven just kinda beat the snot out of him rather than doing any kind of ninja martial arts stuff

and jin's karate keeps degenerating into MMA kind of stuff

also it's weird having eddie and christie in the same movie but completely unrelated to each other (apparently)

Yeah it's something

i guess im just glad king's not in this. he got out of that animated movie i watched a while back without getting his character assassinated but that movie also just wasn't great

you wanna hear something funnier

There's a 2009 live action KOF movie where Ray Parker is Rugal

Ray Park*

i was gonna say

ray parker jr's dad's probably dead

and also probably not an actor

i don't know KOF that well but i can imagine that wouldn't have gone great

I'd say he's the one actor that's really off and it's clear they just wanted him cause they were trying to find martial artists/actors and instead of buff guy who can do axe kicks we got

short man who beats the shit out of people with hockey stick cause he's Darth Maul

yeah since the 90s we don't really have as many martial artist actors

plenty of FIGHTER actors, i guess

lots of wrestlers

but martial arts haven't been that big since the 90s

these days you can just hire stunt performers and use effects to make them look more like the actor

you could just...hire the stunt performers and have actors dub over them

it IS weird having christie as the main female lead in this movie but i guess it was probably the closest option. i feel like xiangyu even might have been a more of choice. speaking of, there was an animated movie starring her released around the same time as this apparently, i'll have to look into that.

xiaoyu* i'll never get her name right

i think xiangyu is from soul caliber

the CG animated movie is bizarre at times, lol, but it definitely lines up way more with the vibe of the games (obviously, since same creative team and all)

soul CALIBURand Xianghua

ffff I was about to say xD

tekken being bizarre is fine, there's a boxing kangaroo and a bear

I mean, Xiaoyu and Alisa are the main characters of the movie, so

you have a robot girl who can remove her own head and a freaking panda following Xiaoyu

all of my favorite fighting game character are wacky cartoon people

Faust, Yoshimitsu, robo-ky, peacock, tao

i guess yoshimitsu's more conceptually wacky but he's pretty goofy more often than not

okay i WILL say (still watching the movie btw) that Jin having romance subplots at all feels pretty weird

man, they're gonna have bryan fury and yoshimitsu in here and they're not gonna be related at all either are they

kazuya really be looking like some anton lavey steven segal mashup

okay i guess we mortal kombat now

alright, that was about what i expected. not great, but passable