If you're referring to me in a status, go ahead and tag me in it, bitch

being a pizza delivery driver is great because literally no one is disappointed to see you

i wonder what its like to be attractive enough to have random people have crushes on you

Either stop being attractive or makeout with me. Your choice.

I love you so much that I would wait for your photo to load on my slow Internet connection.

Don’t like my sarcasm? Well, I don’t like your stupid.

We’ve officially reached that annoying time in the year where it’s sweater weather in the morning, but by midday you die from a heatstroke.

I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.

I hate when my dog watches me pick up his shit, I feel like his bitch

its hard to be attractive when you're not