Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil. - Jerry Garcia

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. -Homer Simpson

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted!

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.