Birthdays.. BEFORE: Wow! Look at all these presents! NOW: Wow! Look at all these notifications!

Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools.

Don't settle for "good enough" when "great" is attainable, but don't be disappointed when it isn't.

A man that hits a woman isn't really a man. If you get hurt, it's not your fault. Call the police.

You are never a loser until you quit trying.

Take time every day to peacefully appreciate the beauty in the world around you.

I can never stay serious…At first I’ll stare at you and then start laughing my ass off.

Those texts you accidentally send to the wrong person are ALWAYS the worst ones!

There is a special place in Hell for people who stop at yellow lights.

I'll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.