I shoo the cat off my face. Next, he creeps across it slowly, like my only objection was his disobeying the speed limit.

Dear Companies: Don't put your CEOs in your commercials. Nobody trusts a rich old white guy in a suit.

I had to stop at the store for toilet paper, condoms, and lube. I also needed plastic forks, but I was too embarrassed to get them.

CNN is reporting Patrick Swayze died. I had to check Twitter for confirmation.

I'm not watching the VMAs, however any time you say Kanye West is a douchebag, I will agree.

Jacques Dutronc and the Bolan Boogie, the Heavy Hitters and the Chichi music!

Guess whose new windproof umbrella is not windproof? The same guy who is soaking wet and waiting in his truck for the rain to stop.

Just heard an ad on the radio for a sausage-fest.

"Elderly woman who had a role in decapitating her husband wants 100 year sentence reduced. What's 100 years when you are immortal?" via Fark

From yesterday's podcast: when you make amends for things you do on your period, it's called "making amenses."