Sleep + social life = Bad grades. Good grades + sleep = No social life. Good grades + social life = No sleep. (-_-)

hate when I gently toss my phone onto my bed and it decides to ricochet off 3 walls, knock over my lamp, and hit a cat.

I’m pretty sure the best thing about Facebook is the ability to read other people’s fights.

That one friend who NEVER gets the joke.

If people could hear the next five seconds after I hit end on a call, I would have no friends.

Doctor: "It's a girl!" Woman: "Wow, I think I'll name her Amy!" Doctor: "I'm sorry, but that name is taken. May I suggest Amy797 or Amy_32?"

No one would ever be intimidated by me if they saw my reaction to a spider.

That awkward moment when your in super deep thought. Then 3 minutes later you realize you are staring directly at someone.

"I'm not mad at you." .... Translation- "Yes I'm mad at you. You can go screw yourself"

I want a six month vacation twice a year.