If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

Communism - " No man should have so much"...it has nothing to do with LOVE. It is an excellent hammer which they use to destroy their enemy

What you call dog with no legs?
Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.