I just feel defeated by this week.

I feel this. (nothing on your level, I'm just exhausted)

its just been exhausting and I feel like I'm failing. and how the fuck do I help a person who just lost a child.

I drove jacinda and Ripley home last night abd on my way back I couldn't stop crying. my kid and her kid are the same age. and I would throw myself into the sun if I lost my baby. I just feel like nothing I can do will help.

and my team is falling apart.

we have a word for children who have lost their parents but haven't figured out a word for a parent who's lost a child b/c it's not supposed to happen that way. send food, maybe the dept chips in and does something like plant a tree or make a memorial donation in daughter's memory and remind mom she has people if she needs them.

some people lean on others. some need space and support from afar. also you do not suck at your job

I don't believe for one second that you suck at your job. I'm sure the analysts reasons for quitting have nothing to do with you. If anything, I think leadership moved the goalposts on you, and that's difficult for anyone to deal with

I'm gonna second what Ash said about sending your employee some food but, god, I can't imagine the pain she must be going through

/all the hugs/

I think it's probably the worst kind of pain someone with kids can go through. so the first thing is to adjust your expectations accordingly. there's not a lot anyone can do to make that kind of pain better. so you do what you can, which is let her know she has people if she needs them, and the last thing grieving people want to do is figure out food

Also, if there's anything we can do for you, you know you have people too

some people don't even want to eat, but the chances are better if they don't have to cook it and can just heat up something already made

I put her on paid leave until the 3rd and let her know we'll talk and extend that as far as she needs. I'm collecting money. sent flowers. im going to the funeral Monday. I just never feel like im doing enough.

so it's one less thing they have to worry about, which is a help even if it's small.

I'm just exhausted. by work. by everything. Colby says I'm being hard on myself. I know I am. it's just hard. I'm just struggling.

I would say you're doing everything you can do, so even if it feels like it's not enough to you, I'm sure it's a help to her

and Colby is right, listen to your kid

also what Liu said

you all are the best. it's just been an emotionally taxing week.

you're being extremely hard on yourself. I'm sure your analyst didn't quit because of you, but because the job is soulsucking

I absolutely don't think you suck at your job at all. The holidays are tough all around and this week has been a nightmare particularly. But you are doing everything you can, and everything you should for your people. Colby is right, you are being too hard on yourself.

I'm just exhausted friends. so fucking exhausted. Just pet my head and tell me I'm cute.

I feel this sentiment in my bones

you're cute and you deserve sweetness

/hugs

There are some really wise and smart people on this thread who said everything that needed to, so I'll nod along with their sage guidance and I send you so many hugs. I am also sorry that your eyes an constant source of stress and worry. I hope this laser session will help what was bothering you.

^are

I U

Dude, no. You're already collecting money, sending flowers, putting her on leave and letting her know you'd extend it... you ARE doing enough. It just feels like it's not because you know she has this insurmountable mountain to climb

But you can't tackle that for her. All you can do is be supportive and you're already doing that

And your team isn't falling apart. One left, one has had a personal tragedy. These are things that no amount of leadership can prevent. They just happen.

I have one who cannot get organized and stay on task. he lives in Arkansas so I can't even try dosing him with Adderall

asdfghjk

I'm serious! I think he has out of control adhd!!!

Putting him on a PIP an option? Maybe sit him down and talk to him seriously about how you're concerned with his inability to focus?

(Especially if he's overweight, it can also be sleep apnea. Uncontrolled sleep apnea can mimic ADHD symptoms and make ADHD worse.)

today I am putting together a PIP and working on finding him a mentor. and i have to reach out to our EAP people, they can engage with him on there possibly being a mental/physical health issue. Hopefully it helps.

I hope so, too, fingers crossed

Taking the work documentation to his doctor can help a doctor take him seriously in trying to find a solution. They'll probably want to rule out sleep apnea before they try to medicate for ADHD, since sleep apnea treatment doesn't include stimulants lol

^^that. Dad, Uncle, and Brother all wear CPAPs for it

he's not a large person and was also a cardic icu nurse, so I'm hoping it's nothing like that. but it could be. my nick has central sleep apnea which is neurological, not obstructive.

I'm gonna try all the things though. I'm not giving up on him. he's smart. he's just overwhelmed.

and i want to not jist be negative. my VP who is also over this whole shitshow project and way more on the hook for it's success or failure called me at the end of the day to tell me that he is giving all of us as leaders a bonus for everything we have done. 10% of my salary.

I'm going to give each of my analysts on this project 10% of my 10%

I would split it across them all equally but I need to keep a little to keep the IRS off my back.

They're gonna be so touched by that, holy shit

I just want them to know that I know how hard they are working. and I'll do what I can to support them.

by the way. y'all are my bury the bodies friends.

Shelley Zalis (@shelleyzalis) • Instagram reel

Chelle, bb, queen of badass adorableness, I love you and you are super cute. and you are the best boss anyone could ever ever ask for.

On our way to hide the bodies

I love you