feed him kibble and he's gonna bite your ass

akdhdks

neph for sure burst into his office like YOU KNOW WHATD BE SO FUCKING FUNNY

(also pay your taxes, billionaire boy, or she’ll keep twisting your ear)

neph coming to him with this idea makes it 10000% better!!!!

you right, she would be very cross if he evaded taxes

THEY’VE DEFUNDED ALL THE LGBTQA TEEN HOTLINES, ASH, EITHER YOU FIGHT MUSK IN THE PIT OR I’LL DO IT

She might be like “okay you can skip out on your taxes during this administration as a treat but ONLY if you donate 10% to social safety net programs

I mean, billionaires are sort of an elite club. There’s a very good chance Ash has hobnobbed with Musk AND bezos at some point

If Neph gets within 150ft of either of them her fingers itch so bad with the need to lift all their watches and cufflinks, her nails start to BLEED

“Zuck’s into cage fighting lately, you have the opportunity to do the funniest thing ever”

(Don’t mind me I’m on a redeye flight, a little delirious, and desperate for entertainment)

Han's in the middle of having an anuerysm. On the one hand, he wants to bitch so badly about having to pay taxes while billionaire playboy hangs out in his fur coat

On the other hand, if he says that anywhere Ash might here, that might be the end of the sugar daddy-adjacent gravy train

Or at least an uncomfortable pause in the gravy train. Ash's appetite has to account for at least 10% of their gross annual

(Oni's appetite is bigger but she's a jobless hippie, so)

What do we call sugar-daddy-adjacent anyway? Sugar-Bro?

I AM FUCKING DYING LAUGHING READING THIS!!!! all I can think about is douchey tech bros in a cage fight

sugar. bro. /dead

I HATE IT BUT IT’S PERFECT

Neph whispering to Han like “this is our chance to dismantle the billionaire class FROM THE INSIDE”

“You know that one twitter meme about how we should make paying more taxes a status symbol? Get em competing to pay the most? We just gotta Mad Men this shit! Ash is our Don Draper!”

🤣🤣🤣

this is exactly the conversation I needed to prepare for this long ass week

eventually ash will create a tracker like that racoon app everyone is using to track their calories to track billionaires paying taxes

Piggy backing on this head canon and then running to bed like a gremlin:
Han encourages the neighborhood kids to name the mysterious wolfdog and they come up with something truly atrocious

Like Waffle Farts

🤣🤣🤣

oh hey look what ash is getting for his birthday:

the house residents just hear sudden ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED SHRIEKS OF GOBLINOID DELIGHT from neph's room and three days later this arrives in the mail

dang

i need you all to notice that there's a little flashlight in its mouth too

there is. a lot going on here.

she either bought it off shein or lifted it off a biker in the middle of a full bar brawl there is no middle ground

there IS a lot going on there 🤣🤣🤣

asdfghjk