When we all have jetpacks ... I will personally slap that fucking grin off of every single hummingbird.

Giraffes don't say much but when they do ... Jesus, it's some hateful shit.

Dear Salsa, you are a liar. The picture on your jar promises passion, color, adventure. But you're really just a bunch of tomatoes and shit.

Writing a country song...looking to rhyme "mama's front porch" with "I disdain efforts to provide me with affordable health care"

Manatee 1:Hey. Manatee 2:Hey. (Pause) Manatee 1: Is the launch going as planned? Manatee 2: Yes, Chancellor. (Pause) Manatee 1: Excellent.

fairly sure chickens will evolve into muscled behemoths that we will ride across the wastelands.