The Velociraptor was followed by the Moseysaurus who was, in turn, supplanted by the Do-Fuck-All-Rex.

Told my toddler, "You better check yourself before you wreck yourself". Sure she cried, but now she knows just how 'real' daddy keeps it.

Rewrite the Bible with a three act structure, a main plot of vengeance and redemption, throw in some kung fu and I might pick up a copy.

Our organic, grass-fed, bisexual cows have enjoyed Swedish massage, daily validation and a recording of James Earl Jones reading the Torah.

I've a good mind to write the owner of this spotty stolen internet access a tersely-worded letter!

It's not that panda's don't mate...it's that they're all about anal.

My daughter was cackling and willfully trying to rub her anus on my shoulder. 'Proud' doesn't begin to cover it.

Scientists recently decoded whales' language of clicks, pops and mournful sighs. Turns out it translates as "Shut up!" "No, YOU shut up!"

My superpower would be shoving. And I could steal people's stuff. Plus, I could control squirrels.

Okay, here's my R&B makeout song so far... "Oh, girrll..you make me wanna (anxious grunting)" Also...looking for a rhyme for "incontinent".