The best things in life are either illegal, bad, or fattening.

Unplanned moments are always better than the planned ones.

I hate how my friends suddenly changed as soon as they got a boyfriend.

Perfect boyfriends love you, care about you, understand you, never hurt you, never cheat, never make you cry, and never exist.

Dear B*tch, you looked like Barbie. Not because you’re tall and beautiful, but because you’re plastic and have no brain.

I hate it when you walk by me and act as if nothing has ever happened between us.

Just because problem heals, doesn't mean it won't leave a scar.

I'm not SINGLE! I'm in a long distance relationship with a man who lives in my future.

One side of my hair always straightens better than the other side.

When you were a kid, you used to type randomly on the keyboard really fast cause it looked cool.