"If men fall asleep after sex, why is it so difficult to catch a rapist?" - Jimmy Carr

Almost done with my very first sous vide steak!

Does no one make an app to check me into a bunch of different location-based social networks? Someone should get on that.

"It’s fall, fuckfaces" ping.fm/tplmj

How do you make five pounds of fat look sexy? Slap a nipple on it.

I used to be addicted to soap, but it's okay I'm clean now.

Snoop Dogg actually goes by his real name on Facebook. I can respect that: ping.fm/QgzQt

So a DBA walks into a NOSQL bar, but immediately leaves because he can't find a table.

What was the doctor's response when you told him you don't want stitches? "Suture self!"

What do you call a row of boxers? A punchline.