One of these days, I'm going to understand what the hell I'm doing here and why.

$2200 in charges have been applied to your credit card, Mr Corwin. Please start saving your ketchup packets.

JLCorwin was run down in the garage of Columbia Mall Tuesday tragically by "Prissy MomLexus McCellphone".

Trapped in meeting hell. Save me from the lame-o business world.

Obama's secret running mate: CHENEY. DUNNN DUUNN DUUNNNNNNNN

Hey here's an idea- let's just have a twelve hour meeting! I've never had a good reason to rip my face off for entertainment!

Made it to kings park, time for log sleep

NOTICE: Passing on the right is NOT the new passing on the left. Idiot.

It's a good thing the colon has adopted the FIFO method.

I'm on to you: cake tastings. Distract the groom to be with delicious cake while bridezilla makes the decisions. Clever bastard.